Does it really need a name?

Almost There....

2005-06-02T09:17:00.000-04:00

Two more days. Thank God. My mind is so gone now that I can't even imagine staying at my current employer. I can't imagine doing the same work, with the same people...doing the same reports. I'm definitely ready to begin the next chapter in my life. I'm SO not working a full day tomorrow. I hadn't planned on coming at all, but I didn't get a chance to talk to my boss about it yesterday and I don't want to be THAT trifling. I have one personal day left, but I'll at least work the morning. I'm going home to my parent's this weekend so I plan on being on the road no later than 1pm.

Quick update on HIM....you're gonna love this. First of all, I haven't seen HIM in 6 months. Well, that changes next weekend. Friends of ours are moving down south in a few weeks, and the fam is throwing a huge BBQ to send them off. He'll be there....oh boy. This is going to be quite the event. I have NO idea how we're going to react to each other. Wait...I lie. I know what's going to happen. We're going to see each other, he's going to smile, I'm going to bite my cheeks, and he's going to be looking at me the rest of the day. *sigh* I'm going to be strong...but I know after a couple of drinks he'll be talking to me about the "situation". If he grows the balls, that is. Second part of the update....remember the trip he wanted me to take with him, and I declined unless he paid for it? He refused to go with anyone else, he would only go with me, etc? Well, he's going with someone else. According to my big bro, just a friend, no sexual relationship involved....they go "way back". I do remember mention of this chick, even though I never met her. Their relationship is neither here nor there...it's really none of my business. He can go with his second choice, and I hope he has a great time! Woops...that was mean, wasn't it?

In other news, I have discovered something about myself recently. I'm a snob. Stop laughing. Stop looking at me like "you didn't know?". I mean a GYM snob. Not about clothes or what people are wearing or anything...never that. *cough* I'm talking about "other" stuff. Like these guys that walk around looking like they own the place, then do a set behind me and lower the weight. That shit ALWAYS cracks me up. I'm pretty strong so I up my weights quite often. I love seeing these men pimp over, look me up and down, flash the smile....then they see what I'm lifting and their face freezes. LOL. I'm also a "class" snob. Exercise class, that is. If I'm taking a class and the teacher is a little "suspect" around the waistline, I'm going to tilt my head to the side for a sec. Last night, I did kickboxing for the first time. Now, I used to be the step aerobics queen, so to me, I can do anything if I can do that. I walk into the room, and I see the instructor, and there's no six pack....I'm like "hmmm". I joined in, and ummmm.....10 minutes into it I think I heard God laughing at me. He was saying "see what you get for passing judgment on people?" That broad kicked.my.behind. That class was NOT a game. I can usually keep up with anybody, but with 15 mins left I was dropping down to the lower impact ways of doing the punches and kicks. Oh.my.WORD! Ya'll when I left the gym, I probably looked like I had been attacked. I was emotional! I was walking all slow, couldn't remember where my car was, staring out of the window as I was driving....I was broke down! LOL! But...BUT...I will be back next week. It was a really great class. She might kick my ass again, but eventually I'll get used to it.

Aight, back to "work". *sigh* I just want to leave NOW! But I'll be good.....

I'm OOOOUUUUTTT!

2005-05-26T10:49:00.000-04:00

It's official. I turned in my resignation on Tuesday, and accepted the offer from my NEW employer. It was a MESS here at my current spot. My direct supervisor asked a few questions, but then said he understood (I guess you would since you only recently removed the knife from my fuggin back!). He knew that I've been complaining about money for a while, and there were a few other areas that we had been discussing all along. His boss though? The head of the department? SHOWED HIS ASS. He didn't speak to me at ALL on Tuesday. Yes, I'm serious. A grown ass man. Walked by me, looked over me, and ignored me the whole day. Of course I noticed it off the bat, as did the rest of my coworkers. I didn't get upset though...I went in to my supervisors office, closed the door, and said that if I had ANY regret or doubt about leaving? The DH's attitude and behavior TOTALLY wiped that out. He was rude, unprofessional, and in my humble opinion, childish.

I came in yesterday, and at first he was still acting shitty. He called me into his office and I went in thinking "finally, he's going to speak his mind". WRONG. He basically said "I got your letter, and I accept it", and then went on to discuss the redistribution of my duties. Oh, for real? That's it, huh? Ok. Lemme tell you something about this man...he is a talker. You don't get out of his office without a minimum of 20 mins worth of talk. I was in and out in 4 mins. No lie. He didn't ask me any questions, try to counter, NOTHING. I came out and went back to my supervisor's office...and his mouth fell open. He knew where I was coming from and couldn't believe I was already done. He was pretty disgusted, actually...he said that his boss' behavior was crazy. No shit. So, long story short, supervisor man went over and talked to him, and basically told him about his behavior. After that, DH spoke to me the whole rest of the day. Oh no mofo...you've already showed me your true colors. Stay the hell away from me. Let's not even get into all the speeches he used to give me about "not showing emotion" and "staying professional". Let's not get into how a little blond haired blue eyed white chick (yeah, I'm going there) quit after 4 MONTHS, and we had a meeting for the announcement, she gave a speech, AND we had a happy hour for her. I've been here busting my ass for almost 3 years....did I get the meeting, the announcement? Nope. Will I get a happy hour? Probably not.

Even though people are probably thinking "she's only leaving because she didn't get promoted", I'm going to hold my head up, and take the high road. This opportunity came to me...I didn't seek it out. It didn't' happen like that. Those that truly care about me and my well being will seek the truth...the others can think what they want. I'm going to carry myself with dignity these last two weeks, and remain respectful. I've already met with the young lady that got the promotion over me, just to make sure she didn't think that my resignation had anything to do with her arrival, and that's she's comfortable. I've met with the rest of my accounting team to make sure they understand. I'll be writing a letter to our Regional Vice President, and to the controller of the DC Group, to thank them for the constant support, and to leave on good terms. I'll train people, write how-to guides, do whatever I can to make the transition smooth, and I included in my resignation letter that I will make myself available after my departure, if necessary.

I may be the most bougie-ghetto bitch you'll ever meet, but I was raised to have some sense. There's no need for negativity. I'm not going to let one man's attitude cause me to act crazy or ghetto or to do anything that they would "expect" me to do based on my personality, or ethnicity. I am very professional, and I intend to stay that way. Momma didn't raise no fool.

Now, go back to work. Bitches.

When Opportunity Knocks....

2005-05-21T10:55:00.000-04:00

What do you do? I’m here to tell you…this ride called life? Hmph. Wait…I’m getting ahead of myself….let me slow down…back it up. Start from the beginning. First of all….I GOT THE JOB!!!!! I am SO excited. Thank you for all of your prayers, thoughts, kind words, and words of encouragement. I went into that interview Wednesday and KILLED IT. Power suit, power heels, powerful mind…I’m telling you. I was supposed to interview with 3 people…2 managers and an HR person. Well, I guess they liked me and passed it along, because by the time I left, I had met with every manager in the particular department, AND the vice president of that operating group. WOW. I left the building feeling good, and called my recruiter. I spoke with her briefly to convey my thoughts and excitement, and then we wrapped up, and I got on the train. This was in Rosslyn. By the time I came out on the other side and got off at the Landover station (about a 25 min train ride)…they had already called my recruiter. By the time I got into my car and headed north on the BW Parkway, they had made the verbal offer. Yes. YES! It happened so fast, I didn’t even have time to be excited at first. I think I was in shock…LOL. Please believe after I slept on it and woke up the next morning…I was ELATED. They’re putting together the offer letter and package to send to me. Once I receive that, I’m putting in my resignation at the current spot. Let me tell you though…it’s going to be WAR when I do that. Not only have we lost 2 other people in the last month, but everybody and their mother has been pulling me to the side lately to tell me how “impressed they are with the positive way I’ve responded to not getting the promotion”. Oh for real? What, I’m a strong-willed, strong-minded Black woman and I’m supposed to go the fugg off and curse everybody out? I am SO tired of “those” people assuming that the “stereotypical Black woman attitude” cannot be handled and controlled in a corporate environment. But that is a WHOLE ‘NOTHER BLOG, so I’m going to digress, quickly. Next week is going to be ugly. I’ll just leave it at that.

Now, last night was the….what was it called? The Takeover: THROWDOWN IN BLOGTOWN. The DC bloggers did it up last night. Whew! We had such a good time! It was me, X, Will, Kajuana and a friend of hers (I think her name was Sharonda?), Edwige, Brutha Code, Panama and his friend, Cee and Cee’s sister, and Hustleman. We met at a spot in Adam’s Morgan called Left Bank. I’m going to go ahead and say this, because I know the rest of them niggas are gonna call us out: we were a smidge late. Just a tad. *holding forefinger and thumb a millimeter apart* Ok, so it was 9:30 when we got there. BUT…BUT…..it wasn’t my fault! Really! Somebody who will remain nameless (who goes by a moniker that rhymes with visit and has a big black truck named Mandingo) needed to go shopping for an ensemble before we could go out. Yes, she was supposed to go to the mall while I was at work. It’s ok. Perhaps those 6 vodka and crans she had with lunch slowed her down a bit. *shrug* ANYWAY after we came back from the mall, showered and changed, and got downtown, it was like 9. We would have gotten in there earlier but we had to find parking. Big ups to Edwige for hooking us up with the parking spot. The MEN of the group couldn’t tell us where the hell to go…get on the phone with a woman and she tells us in 2 seconds where the parking garage is. *shaking head* We really are the smarter sex…LOL. ANYHOO, we got in there, and had a ball. After an hour or so of drinking, quasi table dancing, picture taking and all kinds of drunken foolery, we moved the party down the street to a hookah spot. Yummmm. We stayed there for a while, then I THOUGHT everybody dipped out and went home. Hmph. Seems that everybody else went dancing! Bitches! LOL…we went to the bathroom before we left the spot so we didn’t walk out with everyone. Oh well. *sniffle* X and I had a date with Taco Bell anyway… It was a great evening, and I can’t wait to read everyone else’s take…you know how stories get “enhanced” when niggas have been drinking…LOL.

Last, but most CERTAINLY, not least…Rhap got a new toy! No, not one of THOSE…I FINALLY got my Blackberry yesterday! I’m so excited! No more antiquated Stylewriter 2way. Buh bye!! I played with it a little last night, but it had to charge and we had to go (remeber, we were LATE!). I’m going to try to “learn it” today. It has so much to offer! *sniffle* I’m a little emotional…I’m like a man when it comes to electronics. I think I have a hard-on…ROFL. It’s hot though…I’m happy…and I got it on the job discount, before I leave. You like my gangsta? Yeah, thought so. I spoke to our corporate contact at the company and quickly procured his cell phone number and he made it VERY clear that I don’t need to remain with the company to receive the discount...we struck up a convo and it turns out he’s an ex-empoyee too. Thanks. *making his the first number I add to my contacts in new toy*. Aight people….you’ve been updated…I’ve got X’s to entertain, showers to take, toys to play with….I’ll holla!

Finally.....

2005-05-14T09:51:00.000-04:00

Where do I start? I guess I’ll go in order.

The Job
I didn’t get the promotion. Surprised? I am, but I’m not. It was only me and another chick interviewing. Long story short, she got it because she had more “extras” than me. They said on the 8-5 technical level, we were dead even. Her “extras”…reports that she’s done for her managers, Powerpoint presentations that she had done for her department. Great. Great! Umm…there’s just one thing…since November, I had taken on additional work that I got when someone else got promoted and left. In March, I took on MORE work that I got when somebody else transferred out of state. So tell me, exactly, when I’ve had time to do “extras”? Right. ‘Scuse me for focusing on my assigned work. Silly me. When they told me that day that I hadn’t gotten it, I really wasn’t upset. At first I was like, hey, this girl has some good ideas, and she’ll be a good addition. Yes, I took the high road. As the days went on though, that nagging feeling returned. I stated previously that if I didn’t get this I would take that as a sign, and I would leave. Ironically, another opportunity has literally fallen into my lap. A recruiter got in touch with me…I didn’t call her. She has a great opportunity for MORE MONEY at a good company. Things just fell into place. The only reason I had an updated resume was because of my possible promotion. Before that process, I hadn’t touched my resume in OVER two years. So, I sent it to her. She was very excited about it, and so was her client. The end result? I’m interviewing with them this Wednesday at 1:30. I’m a little scared, to be honest…but also quite excited. I’m scared because I’ve been through a couple of layoffs. The one thing I know about my current firm is that I have job security. BUT…I am also drastically underpaid, and I work a lot of hours. I’m tired. My quality of life has dropped dramatically recently and I don’t like that. In the past 3 weeks, 2 people have left my department for other jobs paying significantly more. My company wants us to focus on the “big picture”, and what we COULD be making once we finally reach a certain level. I’m not wanting to live like that anymore. I have to live for TODAY. I have bills NOW. I’m tired of basically living check to check. I can’t even pay my entire mortgage out of one check, and that’s sad. Plus, a while back, I prayed for guidance. I didn’t ask for a new job, I didn’t ask for more money. I just asked for guidance because I didn’t know what to do. Literally days later, this opportunity comes up, and I did NOT seek it out. If that isn’t a sign, then what is? Wednesday is the day. We’ll see how it goes.

The Gym
Wellll….the past couple of weeks, I haven’t been. I’ve been EXHAUSTED every day. I’ve worked late every day…and by the time I get home, I’ve literally been falling asleep between 8-9pm. I haven’t cooked, cleaned…nothing. I have kept the weight off though…I’m happy about that. I’ll probably go today, and get back on the right path. My summer clothes are already fitting better, but there’s still a little more work that I’d like to do.

The HIM
*rolling eyes* This nigga here? He’s special. I don’t know what other word to use to describe him. He called me for my bday last week. He was supposed to come down for dinner last week…so we could talk. Well, after we spoke on my birthday, and I gave him yet another piece of my mind, he canceled. He’s a fucking punk man! Then, after a week of no contact, he calls my big brother, and tells him that he wants to go on vacation with me, and to call me to hook it up. I had already told big bro…I’ll go, if he pays for it. My stance didn’t change. Well HE declined my offer. Oh well. I have other plans that I can turn into a vacation, so I’m not worried. He just refuses to man up and say what needs to be said/accept responsibility. When we spoke last week, he did a lot of listening, and when I was done, said “You have every right to be upset with me”. NO SHIT. Was that supposed to make me feel better about “letting it go” though? Sorry. Rhap doesn’t operate that way. He wants my friendship, but doesn’t want to put forth any effort to ensure that he has it. I wouldn’t mind his friendship, but am NOT going to be able to look at him in ANY capacity until he addresses certain issues. He’s seeking ME out. He’s contacting me. He’s asking for my presence. He misses me. You would think that he would do whatever it takes…right? Hmph. I told big bro yesterday…the best thing is for us just to not speak. But I know him, and he is a very determined man. Just not in the right areas, apparently. Moron.

My Birthday
I’m 28! I love getting older. Each year brings new energy, new experiences…it’s great! I’m not one of those women that is scared of aging. I love it! I still get carded when I order drinks so I’m not worried about the looks…LOL. This birthday was wonderful, because…..

Puerto Rico
I went to Puerto Rico for my birthday! My best friend was down there on business for 2 weeks, so I went for a long weekend. We had SUCH a great time. We shopped, hiked in a rainforest, toured the Bacardi factory, swam, exercised…it was really really really a GREAT trip. PR is a beautiful place....and the men are FUINE. Good LAWD! I don't think I saw one ugly dude the whole time! The trip definitely allowed me to get some rest and clear my head, and spend some good quality time with my best friend. We’re both so busy with work that we hadn’t seen each other as much as we used to. My plan is to hit new spots every year. Last year I did Boston, Miami, Hawaii. This year along with PR, I’m hoping to FINALLY get to Vegas, and I’ll be going to L.A. to hang out with a friend who’s slowly turning into a supa starra. LOL.

I think you’re caught up now. I don’t think I left anything out. Next week is the DC Bloggers Convention, yes? X will be here. I told her last week, I don’t know if DC is ready for us, because Atlanta is STILL recovering. I think I saw a news report about it shaking uncontrollably from time to time…muttering “X…Rhap…bitches”. I’m looking forward to having her here and meeting all of these wonderful people that I’ve been reading forever. I’m sure it’ll be a good time….and if Wednesday goes well, I could have a reason to celebrate!!

Just A Tease....

2005-05-07T09:05:00.000-04:00

*Walking in and sitting on couch as if nothing has happened* Hiiiiii! *big cheesy grin*

I know. Please don't say it. You just don't understand. Ask X....I've been losing my MIND these past couple of weeks. I'm going to keep this brief, because my parents are in town and I always have to "work" on Saturday doing stuff around the house. Guess I can't complain since they're helping me with MY house. Tomorrow, I'll do a detailed post, touching on the following topics:

* The Job
* The Gym
* The HIM
* My BIRTHDAY (yeah, you missed it)
* Puerto Rico

I think that's it. If I think of anything else, I'll just add it tomorrow. Until then.....

Catch-Up Time!

2005-04-13T20:51:00.000-04:00

Heyyyy! Before you start to curse and scream, this is the FIRST time that I’ve been on my home computer since my trip to Atlanta. I had to go out of town last weekend, and you know how my weeks are…so hush. I have lots to talk about!

Atlanta…ahhh…what can I say? To say I had a blast would seriously not do my trip justice. Of course, I got to spend time with X…that was SO much fun. We can sit in the house with no TV on and have fun. It’s crazy. I love her to pieces *pinching her cheeks*. Now, along with X I got to meet and hang out with some other folks. As previously mentioned I met Grayse, Will, Ms Thing, Champ. I love them all! Here’s why:

Will: Truly auspicious…ROFL. This cat right here? Cool as hell. Funny as shit. I could fill this whole page with adjectives. Just dayum CRAZY! The way we bonded one would think we’ve known each other for YEARS!

Grayse: GRAYSEEEE! Ohmygosh…cute as a button…with the most beautiful, startling eyes I’ve even seen. And homegirl had the nerve to have a shirt on to match those eyes the second day….awwww shit! Oh she’s just so sweet! I almost felt bad being around her with my truck driver mouth because I didn’t want to corrupt her!

Ms Thing: Now, I’m used to X calling her “tiny”…but don’t let the “smallness” fool you….that thing right there packs a PUNCH! She’s the greatest man…she’ll have this cute little smile on her face and cut you down to shreds without moving ONE facial muscle. Her new home is absolutely beautiful, and she welcomed us right on in with some fried fish and some libations! Yeuuh!

Champ: Ms. Thing’s fiancée. Cool as hell. A fellow Taurus, so as the night went on, we found that we thought alike (like going after that jackass that tried to jump in X’s truck). He and Ms. Thing make the cayutest couple in the world! You can just see the love between them…*sniffle* I know they’re going to have many many years of happiness.

That was the crew for the weekend. We added my cousin the second day and went for drinks to watch the NCAA, then to dinner. Needless to say, I didn’t want to leave.

Now, last weekend I had to go to NY. NO not for HIM. Even though he tried to get me to come see him. AAANNNNKKKK. I went for some personal business, and to hang out with my peeps. I had a good time, as usual. I might go back this weekend, but I’m not sure yet. My friend’s daughter is turning 4 and having a birthday party and I want to be there. But we’ll see. I’ve been traveling a LOT and I need to do chores….laundry, grocery shopping, etc. But you know how I love NY. *Sidebar: Will, I’m sorry. Please don’t hurt me. My day Saturday ended up being totally out of control, and I was pissed off and tired by 7pm. Forgive me, please?* Ahem. Now, where were we? As I mentioned, HE tried to get me to come to him. Now, I’ve come to the realization that it takes more energy to hold on to anger then it does to forgive. You know I’ve been working on my spirituality, and one of the main focuses is forgiveness. With that being said, I’ve told myself that IF HE comes to me and “mans up”, apologizes, says what he needs to say, then MAYBE I won’t hate him forever. Not that we would get back together, but that I would be cordial. Welllll….LOL…unfortunately we’re in a vicious cycle right now. When we get on the phone, I’m in “listen” mode. I said everything I had to say in my 6 page email…it’s his turn. BUT because I sit on the phone icily without talking, he gets nervous, and doesn’t say anything of substance. Plus, he’s trying to “buddy me up”, and I laugh at just about everything that he says. I guess that doesn’t help either. *shrug* When he asked me to come to him Saturday, I laughed and said “You want ME to come to YOU?” He got mad and got off the phone. Oh well. His spoiled ass will realize that if he wants me in his life on a friendship or ANY level, I’m can try to forgive, but I will NOT FORGET.

Now then, let me tell you about work. Work just got interesting, today. My girl told me today that she’s putting in her 2 weeks on Friday. Why is this interesting? Remember that promotion that I’ve been talking about…that I can’t get because there is no “room”? Well, with her leaving, there will be room. Basically, I want her job. I’m doing a lot of stuff above my level right now anyway. I know they’ll HAVE to post it and hold interviews…that’s policy. I had already talked management about what would happen if that position became available. They said they would have to hold interviews, but since I work there and they know my work ethic and skills, basically everyone that came in to interview would have to beat ME. We’ll see if that holds true. They know I’m not totally pleased at work right now because I haven’t been promoted. This should solve most of the problems. BUT…I’m telling you right now. If for some reason I do NOT get this promotion? I am OUT. I’m being recruited pretty heavily right now. The agency that placed my girl has been ringing my phone off the hook. BUT I’m going to think positively, and pray on it. What is meant to be, will be.

Now, last but not least…the gym! Ya’ll, tonight was my evaluation. We get one at the beginning to take our measurements, one to give us our workout program, and after a month, one to check our progress. Today was the progress check. I am SO friggin pumped right now. I’ve lost 10 pounds, 1 inch off my chest, 1 from my shoulders, 1.5 from my stomach, 1 from my waist, 1.5 from my hips….I’ve gained muscle like crazy on my arms, the fat on my abs has gone down 3, my biceps 2, my thighs and calves 2, and overall my body fat percentage has gone down 2%...in ONE MONTH. The trainer said that was FANTABULOUS! I’m so excited! It’s good to know that all of this sweating out of hair and getting home late has been for good and not evil…LOL. I got her to make a copy of my sheet and I’m putting that bad boy right on the fridge! The funny thing is, I probably could have lost more, but I haven’t totally cut out EVERYTHING. I’m just eating like I have some sense and balancing out my day. I had a FEW French fries today, but I had them with a turkey burger, and I had granola and applesauce for breakfast. I’m trying man! I still have work to do, because some of my summer clothes are still a lil’ tight, but I’m on my way!

That’s it for now. All of this salty sweat is murdering my hair…time for a deep conditioner! Ciao!

Durty Durty

2005-04-02T11:08:00.001-05:00

*lil John voice* YEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH! I'm here! It's Saturday morning. I'm drinking my lukewarm tap water trying to recover from the alcohol consumption last night....WHEW! Before I get into that, let me update you on the situation with HIM.

Guess what the burning question is? Come on, guess. Give up? Now, I still haven't "officially" been asked by him yet (because I still won't answer/return calls) but I've confirmed with my sources. He wants me to go on a cruise this year with him and some friends. Yes. Yes. I'm serious. No, really. My first reaction was to LAUGH. I laughed for 5 straight minutes after hearing that. My next reaction was anger. I was PISSED. I went OFF via email....my third reaction? Hmph. I came to my senses. Oh, you want me to go? Ok. Pay for my shit. You pay for my shit, I'll go. You damn right. I know what he's thinking. The cruise is where we reconnected the LAST time...so maybe he's hoping for a repeat? Nope. I know what you may be thinking...X is not happy with my thought process right now. I'm good though...for real. I'm not going to backslide. I'm confident in who and where I am at this point. But all of this is irrevelant if he doesn't ask me...LOL. We've been playing phone tag (kinda on purpose on my part). He's been trying to get me on the phone ALL week. NOPE! Last night I did return one of the phone messages from this week...but when I called he didn't answer, and I didn't leave a message. The least I can do is give him the opportunity to ASK me so I can tell him my requirements, yes? Well, after we got in the club? That nigga blew my phone UP do you hear me? Officially, I don't know how many times he called. He called a few times, and one of those times X answered it, so the missed calls were cleared. But after she answered, and I wrestled the phone away from her, he called five more times, sent me a text message AND left me a voice mail. LOL! Sounded a little miffed on the voice mail too! "You call me and I have a missed call, I called you back and get your voice mail...cute real cute". ROFL...aww tha poor baby is getting mad!! We'll see what happens today. LOL...isn't this FUN?

Now, back to my crunkness. Guess who I got to meet last night? Ms Thing, Champ, Grayse AND Will! Ya'll...we had a BALL! We started off chilling and drinking (and them trying to get me to sing), and then decided to go out. We went to an old school spot called Bellbottoms. PHENOMENAL! I haven't had that much fun in a club in a long time! I know it was because of the company I was with...everyone is so cool and so REAL! I'll do a post and give you descriptions of all of them later. I love them all! Anyhoo, we danced the night away, sweated our hair out, all of that. We then went to Waffle House for some grub..and the most amazing thing happened to me! We're sitting at the counter...six of us, in a row. This lady comes up to me and says, "Hello, I know you don't know me, and you're probably wondering why I'm talking to you. I just wanted to come over and let you know that God loves you and He has a plan for you. I don't know why I'm telling you this, I just felt moved and that I HAD to come over here to speak to you." Then she rubbed my arm and walked away. WOW. WOWWWW! Can you believe that? Out of everyone in that restaurant, everyone in our group...she came up to ME! I have to reflect and pray on that one, for real. Have to call my mommy! LOL!

Well, I must run. I must warsh and get ready for the day. I'm going to meet up with my cousin who I haven't seen in YEARS. She lives down here. After that...who knows. X and I are on the loose...watch out!!

The Time Has Come

2005-03-28T08:55:00.000-05:00

Contact has been made, I repeat, contact has been made. I received FOUR correspondances from HIM last week. Yeah, I talked that nucca up. The first was a phone call, that went a lil' something like this:

*ring ring* *Flip up the phone, see the 917 number, but don't recognize it*

Me: Hello?
Him: Good Evening.
Me: *frown* HELLO?
Him: Good Evening
Me: *in my head* OH H*LL NO! THIS N*GGA?
*out of my mouth, with attitude* Good Evening
Him: How are you?
Me: *still with 'tude* I'm fine!
Him: How are your parents?
Me: *rolling eyes* They're great.
Him: Am I interrupting you?
Me: *beginning to sound lively* Nope! Just coming in from the gym.
Him: Oh, the gym...that's a good thing, that's a good thing. So, is it ok for us to be talking right now?
Me: I'm listening
Him: Well....ummmm....you know we haven't talked in a long long time. I just wanted to make sure you were still breathing.
Me: *silence* *crickets, crickets*
Him: I'll be honest with you...you've been on my mind for a minute...I've been thinking about you for a while now...but I've been too nervous to call.
Me: *more crickets*
Him: *slight pause* Well....you know....you don't want to talk to me. Have a good evening Rhapsodi.
Me: *sounding lively* Ok! Goodbye!
*flip the phone down, throw it on couch, walk away*

You're kidding me, right? No, really. I wrote you a SIX page email, basically telling you to go fuck yourself. I handed you your testicles on a plate. Four months later, you get up the nerve to call me...and you want to CHIT CHAT!?! Umm...no. Had he gone into some sort of apology/acceptance of responsibility, then maybe...MAYBE I would have listened. But HE took the bitch way out and tried to "warm me up" first. Nope. Man the fuck up!

Friday, I'm out and about with my mom and grandmother, and I get a 2way from HIM. "Hello". Then, seconds later I get another one. "When you get the chance call me I have a question for you." Nucca please. #1 Fuck you. #2 If the question is that serious, you could have typed it, instead of typing "I have a question". Hours after that, I'm going out for the night with my cousin and friends...my cell rings as soon as we step into the spot. It's him. Again. He left a message: "Good evening Ms. Rhap, this is Mr. Rhap (we have the same last name...but that was the cutesy shit we did when we were together...we're NOT now so cut it out) I know that you received both of my text messages today. At your earliest convenience, please give me a call back. Thank you very much. Goodbye."

What the HELL is the deal man? What is this burning question that you have all of a sudden? What, you're pregnant and you think it's mine?! Is that it? By the way, HE'S still waiting on that return phone call. Now, I still love the man...of course I do! BUT I've been doing really well getting over HIM. What audacity...unmitigated gall...to think that after the time that's gone by...after I was the one that told YOU to piss off...that you can just start calling me and I'll respond? What part of the email was unclear? Do I need to send another one? No no...no worried...I'm being facetious. I'm sure this week will bring something else. Maybe he'll get smart and actually ASK the question in one of the correspondances. I'll keep you posted.

Sweat, Travel, Memories and FREE ADVICE!

2005-03-20T23:00:00.000-05:00

I've figured it out! I'm fuggin lazy! I enjoy reading your blogs, and commenting, but I haven't felt like doing my own! Yeah, that's it. LOL. Just thought I'd check in for my weekly column. What's that you say? It's been TWO weeks? Ehhh...*shrug*

The gym and I are still friends. Good friends, even. Even better friends when I realized some of my pants were fitting better. My hair isn't always pleased, but hey...no pain, no gain.

I'm excited about my upcoming trips. This coming weekend I'm off to Southern VA to my parent's. I took Friday off and I'm looking forward to the long weekend, and visiting with my friends at home. Next weekend, of course...ATLANTA! I didn't take all of next Friday off, but I did take a half day, so I should arrive just in time to drink with the girls...the ATL bloggers.

I'm thinking about getting an iPod. I know, I'm late as hell. Well, I haven't really needed one until now...well, I don't really NEED it, but now that I'm working out, it'd be nice to have. And with my upcoming trip, it would be great. We'll see. The pink mini is really calling me...

I have a quasi confession...it's about HIM. No, no contact has been made, no I don't miss HIM....I miss his son. Can you believe that? See, the thing about me is #1 I am a nurturer...I'm very maternal. #2 I love kids. When things got more serious between us HE made a point of bringing his son around and including me in things. I fell in love with that little boy. When I erased all of the memories of HIM, I couldn't bring myself to delete the pic of his child. It's still on my computer. I've been really thinking about HIM Jr. lately. I guess it's because of the roll I would have played in his life once I moved up there. It would have allowed me to operate in a role that I'm very comfortable in, and love. Oh well. This too, shall pass...I guess.

Before I sign off, I have some free advice for you. Let me preface this advice with the background: I went to a reggae club Friday night with a coworker...had a BALL. In all, on Friday, I consumed a great deal of alcohol. Yes, I was driving. I know, I know. Bad Rhapsodi. I stopped at Wendy's on my way home...grilled chicken..no burgers. Anyhoo, here is your free advice...no shipping/handling, no hidden costs...it's totally, 100% free of charge: If you consume close to 10 drinks (the actual number consumed as been withheld to protect the innocent) in a night, and end up not making it past your living room when you get home, PLEASE don't be alarmed if, when you wake up the following morning, said living room resembles a rape scene. Yes, I said a RAPE SCENE. Ya'll...I woke up Saturday morning face down in the couch. My shirt was on the chaise, which is across the room from the couch. I still had on my stockings and skirt, along with my bra. However, only one of my arms was IN my bra. My shoes were in the middle of the floor in front of the entertainment center. My lovely chandelier earrings? One was laying nicely on the couch, the other was still in my ear. The earring on the couch was sitting nicely in front of the Wendy's bag, with the Wendy's cup sitting on the floor. Now, had I had a gentleman caller with me the previous night, this scene would have made a little more sense (well, minus the Wendy's bag). The fact that I can't remember anything past sitting on the couch? Well, let's just break it down like this:

Drinks bought by company at Friday departmental happy hour: $14.00
Drinks purchased for self at club at second phase of happy hour: $20.00
Drinks bought by strangers that insist that you have a "wicked body": $16.00
Late-night meal from Wendy's, ordered in a drunken stupor: $5.67
Waking up after a night out and wondering where the nucca went that obviously fugged you into subconsciousness?: PRICELESS

A Little of This, A Little of That

2005-03-06T17:54:00.000-05:00

*sigh* Maybe I should just make this a weekly column. LOL. This every day shit has left me behind... I know, I know. But, now that I'm not blogging at work (remember, I'm an abuser) I have to do it at home. Only problem is, by the time I get home these days, I've worked, fought traffic, and gone to the gym. The LAST thing I feel like doing after all of that is sit on this daggone computer. Is that selfish? I towwy. What happened this week? Let's see....

Went out with my friend. It was really nice. Dinner, drinks, chilling at the crib...and yes, I was a good girl and came home. I had to get up and go to work...please believe while I was laying on his couch I was calculating my days off, figuring out if I should stay. There's no way something was going to pop off and I was going to get out of there at a "decent" hour. LOL. We were supposed to get up this weekend, but nada. *shrug*

Finalized plans and bought my tickets to Atlanta! Awwww shit! April 1, 2005...I hope that city is ready. I hope the ATL bloggers are ready. I hope X's house is ready! I'm so excited! I haven't really been traveling like I used to since I stopped going to New York every 4.2 mins for that dude that used to be HIM, so it's time to get my travel started back up. Yessirrr! I look forward to a great weekend. I know we're going to have a blast. Plus, I'll get to see some family down there that I LITERALLY haven't seen since BEFORE college. And a good friend from college that I used to canoodle with...slightly.....X has already been warned...if I disappear...well, never mind.

Told DH at work that I wasn't happy, that I was overworked, and that I wasn't challenged. It actually went better than I expected. Some plans were put into place to get me some higher level work, but I'm kinda stuck doing the old bullshit until they hire someone. My coworker, the last of the "girls"...well, she's leaving Friday. That's it. *sigh* I've been told it'll be, or is considered, "my department". Really? Hmm. Interesting.

I've been doing well with the gym thing. This morning...and hold on to your hats folks. This morning, I woke up, went to the gym, came back, warshed (yes, warshed), went back out, and got to church ON TIME. 11:00am service. Do you know how monumental this is? I was pretty happy with myself. I got errands run, lunched, and was on the couch by 1:45..not bad right? Watched a lil' Food Network, Lifetime, took a nap, now I'm cooking/cleaning. I'm a little ticked with myself though...I really wanted to hook up with my friend this weekend, and I'm kinda bummed that it didn't happen. My girlfriend has been rolling her eyes at me...."Rhap, the weekend ISN'T OVER YET!". LOL...whatever...it pretty much is! It's 6pm on Sunday! Whatever. Oh, wait...why am I ticked with myself? Because I'm bummed. I thought I had taken all of the "ability to have emotions" out of range and locked the bastards up in a closet. I'm not happy with this. Not one bit. I think I'm going to put myself in time out...LOL.

Oh well, duty calls. A bitch is hungry. Don't worry...I'm not cheating. There's ground turkey waiting to be cooked. I was going to make pas-getti, but now I'm thinking about turkey burgers with turkey bacon. Yummm. Have a good week, and I'll TRY not to let it be another week...I said TRY man!

Oops, I Did It Again

2005-02-26T09:28:00.000-05:00

A whole week. I know. Once again, my week was crazy...but on top of working, I went to the gym EVERY DAY this week! Aren't you PROUD?! I LOVE my new gym! It's not a meat market like Bally's, the trainers are great, you get three free sessions with membership, they have a variety of classes, and the machines are off the chain! I can already see a difference in definition in a couple of areas, and I FEEL good! I've been eating well...smoothies, fruits, turkey wraps, grilled chicken salads/wraps. The REAL test was last night. I went to a seafood restaurant...and ordered my platter BROILED instead of fried! Hot dayum! This girl means business! I don't believe in diets. I believe in "eating with sense". I'm not going to tell myself that I CAN'T have something...I'm just going to make wiser choices. I'm giving myself a day off today...my muscles need to breathe. Tomorrow, is my first workout with the trainer. I can't wait for that one. I've been doing my own weight lifting program, but it'll be nice to see what the "professional" has to say.

I hung out in a group last weekend, and I guess I kinda sorta had a date...but I don't really look at it like that. There were four people. Two "couples". Dinner, bowling, kissing...just chilling. I had a nice time and so did he. Interesting.

I think I may get blessed by another visit from X on her way back down. I need to hear about her trip live and in person...LOL. I'm sure she has plenty to tell me. She better step in this joint with some cashmere for a bitch...LOL. ATL bloggers, I'm going to most likely get my ticket this week...so watch out! The last time I was down there with X, the city had to go to rehab...it was CRAZY! AND I'm going to be stepping off the plane a little slimmer? Hmph. Besides my family, and my blog family, there's someone special down there that I haven't seen in AGES. Since college, and you KNOW I'm damn near 30...LOL. Can't see him under the influence of alcohol though...I won't be responsible for what happens. Ahem.

Oh well. I'm off. Today is shopping at Sam's day. You know I'm excited, right? Have I ever blogged about my love of buying in bulk? Hmm...not enough space in this one. Ya'll...there is something about buying in bulk for lower prices. I don't know what it is. Yes, I'm single and live alone, and I shop at a warehouse. So what? LOL...imagine the damage I'm going to do when I actually have a REASON (read: family) to shop there! Plus they have perfumes, electronics, designer bags/shades, and clothes. It's paradise! What more could a girl ask for?

Be safe, be happy, and enjoy your weekend!

Relax, Relate, Release!

2005-02-19T10:28:00.000-05:00

It's Saturday! Woooo thank youuuu! My week was crazy, and I am GLAD today and tomorrow are MY days! Today, I plan on joining a gym, finishing my laundry, putting AWAY my laundry (I always forget that part), going to the library to get some new books, and just relax. I might hang out with some friends, I might not feel like being bothered. Who knows.

I don't think I told ya'll that the thing with lil' sis came to a head last week. We went back and forth and she now knows EXACTLY how I feel about her. I tried not to be harsh, but I had to be honest. That's just me. A liar, I am not. And I can't be fake. I can't be all up in your face like things are cool, when I don't feel that they are. So, we had some dialogue. Her relationship has really strengthened her...ummm...personality? She’s changed, and I told her AND her guy that…but for the better? Not sure. She THINKS she’s stronger now and has changed for the better, but I don’t know that I totally agree. Her confidence has strengthened, but not necessarily in a good way…it’s like she’s “bucking up” now at the wrong people at the wrong times. I don’t know. You just had to be there, I guess. Some of the stuff she was saying didn’t even sound like her. There’s no beef, but as she said, she’s “doing her”, so I’m going to remain in the background and keep my mouth shut, like I’ve been doing. Hopefully, her relationship will be all that she hopes for.

I got to see X on Thursday! I was so excited! We email each other every day, and call throughout the week, but we haven’t SEEN each other in almost 2 years! I thought it was only 1 year, but we quickly realized it was the year BEFORE she got married, and she’s been married for a year now. She only stayed for a few hours, but we had a BALL. I’m planning a trip down there VERY soon…hopefully within the next month or so. Maybe I’ll be able to talk her into stopping by again on her way back down. Hope she had fun shopping for clothes…LOL. Hop on over to her site to see why I say that…

I’ve been trying to spend a lot of time with friends lately. This may sound like something that isn’t out of the ordinary, but I’ve been so busy with work that I wasn’t making enough time for ME. I also went back to church last week for the first time in a LONG time, and I’m going again tomorrow. I’m trying to get it together ya’ll. Yes, I said ya’ll. I’m from VA…leave me alone. All in all, even though work tests my patience, I think I’m in pretty good spirits right now. What is that, you say? That angry post from last week? I know, I know…but that’s how PISSED my work environment can make me. Not good, not healthy. I’m working on that.

Oh well, everyone, enjoy your weekend. Those of you that are off Monday? Piss off. I’ll be at work. WHERE is my government job?!?!?!?

Blah Boring Blah

2005-02-16T00:18:00.000-05:00

My last post makes me chuckle. LOL...I was NOT the one. I'm doing better. I haven't touched my taxes, looked at a paycheck, or been in the office too much, so it's cool. Plus I've been doing a bit of what ALWAYS makes me happy...SHOPPING! I bought a SICK pair of shoes from Nordys...check 'em out:

*sigh* Ok...I THOUGHT I knew how to post a picture. Woops. Everyone else does it! Shit. Oh well...I'll take some lessons and get back to you on that.

I just wanted to check in. So far, it's been a quite week. *knocking on desk* I've been doing work out of the office, and will continue to do so through Friday, so that'll help with the quasi-torture that is my job. I've reconnected with an old friend from back in the day and we've been chatting via email. Yes, it's a boy. No, he doesn't live 200 miles away. Picture that. We'er supposed to be getting together later in the week. I'll keep you posted.

I almost went to jail in McDonalds this morning, but that's no suprise. Apparently the stupid bitch behind the counter thought that raising her voice while pointing to my sandwhich in the bin and saying "it's right there" with an attitude was acceptible customer service. Interesting.

I see your head nodding...this is boring, huh? I'll stop. I see some people in the crowd reaching for their tomatoes. Buh bye.

Bitch on Wheels!!

2005-02-11T09:39:00.000-05:00

I'm in a bad mood. Yes, I know, I probably shouldn't be. I'm blessed, I'm healthy, I'm ALIVE, etc. But come ON!

First of all, I've HAD it with work. My other coworker that I'm close with is about to leave. That's going to leave ME, two other accountants, and then managers. NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE to handle all of the work. Remember, the other person left in NOVEMBER. Have they hired someone else to take over HER spot? Nope! They finally brought in a temp to do AP, but that's it. They're worried about "cutting costs". They're about to have a whole BUNCH of extra money because I'm not trying to be here anymore! I've got to get this transfer in action. It's just that, I don't really want to leave as a transfer. I want, I DESERVE to be promoted. There are just no openings right now. We are SO busy on a daily basis it ain't funny. And now you're going to divide up MORE work? Gimme a fuggin break! I'm already going home with headaches every day...and sitting here just MAD because this work is so boring! I'm not doing as much stuff on my level because we have "staffing issues". No, what we have are MANAGEMENT issues! GRRR! Not only that, I'll be left with 2 guys that are in their mid-20's but they act like they're 16 years old most times! Skipping and rapping and making noise and shit! WHYYYYYYYY??

I had to write a "Dear John" letter to lil' sis this week. This broad basically called me and took me through the "are we still friends" thing because we haven't hung out as much. I'm sorry....are you my man? Are we fuggin? She even "jokingly" said "I'm getting emotional, I feel like we're in a relationship". Umm. Ok. I love my friends. I do. Love them love them love them. Love spending time with them, love talking to them, love how a lot of my relationships have strengthened through the years. BUT. BUT! I have NEVER EVER had to stroke somebody's feelings because I don't talk to them every day, don't see them every day anymore, don't invite them over my house as much. Get.a.real.problem. Seriously. I have ENOUGH going on in my life right now. I don't need the stress and irritation. So, I wrote an email, and basically had to tell her how I feel about the whole situation. You know Rhap doesn't hold back, so needless to say, I haven't heard from her since I sent it. *sigh* Seriously people, we are adults now, right? It's not like college anymore...I don't have class for 2-4 hours and then the rest of the day is mine. I have to WORK for 8-10 hours a DAY, fight traffic, make myself dinner, and TRY to relax when I get home. On the weekends, the ONLY two days I have off, I may just want to stay home and keep to myself. Is that ok? I HAVE been sick you know, I AM stressed with work...I AM still trying to get over HIM. Do you MIND? Arrgghh!

Now, lets talk about YOUR government...'cause I'm not claiming them right now. First of all, I bought a house last year. I was very excited about doing my taxes for 2004...that is, until I actually started doing them. Seriously, I can't win. When I bought my house last February, I went on the IRS website, and adjusted my exemptions per their instructions, based on my salary, etc. Why the FUCK did I listen to them? Based on what THEIR website told me to do, not only am I NOT getting the fatty refund I was planning on, but I might even OWE! WHAT.IN.THE.HELL.IS.GOING.ON??? So, I had to knock my exemptions back on down for 2005, and that leads me to my next point:

WHAT THE FUCK DO I WORK FOR? How the hell is the gubment just gonna take my money every check? Just take it? FICA? I better not EVER see that bitch in the street. EVA. I look at my paycheck now, and I dream about what I COULD have done with the money that they've stolen from me. All the bills I COULD have paid off. The improvements I COULD have done in my house. ARRGGGHH!

And to top all of this off, it's Vday weekend. The pagan holiday. I hate it. There are going to be couples in love all over the fuggin place. Great. Goodbye.

*SLAM*

Kicking ASS and Taking Names!

2005-02-04T15:33:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry...I know you think I've relapsed. I was doing good with my blogging...but I have a good excuse this week. The flu kicked my ASS do you hear me? I've worked a total of about 1.5 full days this week. Out completely Tuesday and Wednesday. Went back yesterday thinking I was a superstar, overdid it, and here I am home early today. I feel horrible. As my mother correctly predicted, the congestion from the flu has now irritated my sinuses, so now my fuggin face hurts. I'm headed to the couch. I missed a bloggers dinner this week and everything...not happy about that. Oh well.

Another Snowy Weekend....

2005-01-30T18:56:00.000-05:00

Bathroom boy called me again...LOL...how many names have I given this cat? He called me yesterday morning. I didn't know he called until I just happened to pick up my cell, because he called at the same time that someone else was leaving a message, so it didn't ring. I ain't gonna lie...I gave about 0.3% thought to calling him back...but then I woke up. Blech. Plus my fam was in town from NY and they would have never let me hear the end of that one. *sigh* Such a waste.....

I didn't go to the Gala...woohoo! I was going to suck it up and go...I really was. BUT I woke up Saturday with a headache that lasted ALL DAY. Mini-migraine even. I haven't felt pain like that before. Not even 2 naproxen would soothe the pain. Add to that, it was snowing outside AGAIN, then had the nerve to turn to ice. Uh uh. Big bro and lil' sis went. I'm sure she was happy to show him off....even he realized that's all she wanted to do. I sat on the couch with my cousin that came down with Big bro, ate chicken, and watched movies. It was a good night.

Yo, I'm really impressed with eHarmony. Match.com ain't got shit on them. It's so professional and courteous! If they find you a match, they email both parties and introduce you to each other..."Rhap, meet XXX. We have found that both of you have many things in common based on the 29 dimensions scale..." That's hot shit! I told you that questionnaire was SERIOUS. I logged on today and there were three other matches, and one of the guys had already initated contact after reading my profile. Muy intersante, indeed.

Well, I must run...I need to cook. Have I mentioned my new love of the Food Network? Rachel Ray is a BEAST. 30 Minute Meals is my new favorite show. I already loved to cook, but she has pushed my inspiration to new levels. I'm going now to make something she made last week. She's on every night at 6:00 & 6:30 if you're interested. Anyhoo, I'm going to make my delicassy, grab an MGD, my library book, and settle in to wait for Desperate Housewives. GREAT show.....lata!

Chocolate BADNESS

2005-01-28T14:42:00.000-05:00

Ummm...yeah...Chocolate Goodness??? L.O.S.E.R. I forgot to mention to ya'll that when he was there last weekend he used the bathroom with the door open. How did I forget that little tidbit? *shrug* Whatever. N*gga we ain't that tight! Close the fuggin door! Ewww! I called him on Monday...he called me back last night. I'm sorry, and X, I know you're going to have something to say, but that shit is a little rude to me. THREE days? Nigga don't you know who the fugg I am? When he DID call back he called at 11:45 at NIGHT, talkin bout some "It's daddy, holla back". Oh noooo. Nonononono. Uh uh. That's why I deleted his phone number on Tuesday. Don't need to call him. Not feeling it. I don't care how sexy you are...the signs are there, and you have issues. NEXT!

Because I'm a TV-holic, I've been bombarded with a certain commercial lately. Or maybe it's because my love life is in peril. In any regard, I kept seeing the commercial for eHarmony. Sooooo....I joined last night. I know, I know, I said I was done with internet dating...but it's so fun!! LOL...I think I'm addicted. I know it's usually thought of as taboo, but I think about it like this: this is the internet age...if you had told me 10 years ago that I would be BANKING and paying bills on line, I would have given you one of my disgusted looks and called you a moron. So there. eHarmony is cool though...they take a LOT more detail from you, and instead of sending 30 wack ass matches a week, they send 1 or 2 GOOD ones. The first match they sent me is eerie...he and I sound like we're on the EXACT same page. They question you about just about everything, so the matches are pretty good. We'll see. He's an Attorney, nice looking pic. As always, I'll keep you posted.

This weekend is our holiday party...'scuse me...Winter Gala. I don't want to go...but I'm going....Big Brother will be in town...yes, he's still dating lil' sis. Don't even make me go there. He's making me go because he doesn't want to be there without me. Great. I'm thrilled, can you tell? I'm only doing this for him. Damnit.

Inexcusable Ignorance

2005-01-26T10:05:00.000-05:00

Ok...I'm at work so this will be quick. I am disgusted right now. I can't even begin to put into words what I'm feeling, because I'd be typing all day. Here's a link to what I'm pissed about...check it out. I don't even know what else to say.

I'll be back with more later.

UPDATE....

Scoot on over to X's site for all of the appropriate info on sponsors, links to hear the show, etc.

Chocolate Goodies....

2005-01-24T10:35:00.000-05:00

So, I had my company yesterday. First of all, you know how you meet someone, then you see them again and you had forgotten how fine they were? This man walked in my door and GOOD LAWD. Tall tall tall...thick thick thick...SECCCSSSSYYY.....I had already given myself the "you will NOT fugg this man" speech, so I was to be on my best behavior. Whew. The fact that he walked in with a case of MGD didn't help. Anyhoot, we settled in on the couch to watch the game. This brother lasted all of about ummm.....20 minutes before putting his hands on me. Now is when I should mention that I had on a baby blue velour sweatsuit...woops. *shrug* I am an affectionate chick...I love being "gay"...hugging, kissing, all of that stuff. BUT...he was starting in a tad bit early for my taste. I had to shut him down a couple of times. Not that I was being TOTALLY prudish...but he was kissing my cheek and ended up near my neck and that is a NO-NO...after that you fuggin me...sorry. So, after making my voice heard, he batted his lashes, and said "but I can't help being attracted to you"...I said no, you can't...but you CAN exhibit some sort of self control. You're dayum near 30 years old for Pete's sake!! Exhibit A...I want to run, jump and land on your face...but am I doing that? Nooooo....I'm exhibiting self control!! All throughout all of this, we're both laughing, so it was all good....we have good rapport, and I like that he can handle my smart mouth and shoot it right back to me.

We discussed things we like to do...bowling, movies, sports bars, etc. It'll be nice to actually have an interest in someone that doesn't live 200 miles away. So, we'll see how this goes. You know I'll be keeping you posted. I refuse to get too excited. I'm interested, he's interested, the physical is there, the mental is there...we'll see.

I know, I know....HUSH!

2005-01-23T10:01:00.000-05:00

Wowwww....I've really done it this time. I have no excuse people...I can't even begin to tell you why...*sigh* I have failed you...*sniffle* Just kidding. For real, where the hell have I been the past few weeks? I did go out of town, but only for one lil' weekend. Maybe it's because I don't blog from work anymore...you know, now that I'm an "abuser". By the time I get home, I just want to hit the couch...I'm going to work on that. I promise. I'm tired of receiving death threats from you mofos!!

Now, what the hell has been going on? On the work front, my ass is still being kissed. Funniest shit I've seen in a while. I'm getting another review in 6 months...hopefully I won't be there in 6 months. Another coworker is leaving, and that leaves just me as the only "senior". Hell no. HELL NO. That's not going to work. I'm already doing the work of an accountant at THREE different levels. But, like my mom always says…just keep doing what you’re supposed to be doing and things will work out....

Last weekend was monumental for me, on several levels. Last weekend, we had a “girl's weekend” in NY. You know I’m up there every 5 mins, but I went with girls that I grew up with, versus my “normal” NY crew. We had SO much fun. Because I’m pretty familiar with the area, I was able to act as the tour guide. Ya’ll, I was navigating Manhattan BY MYSELF! This may not seem like a big deal to some, but to me? HUGE. I’m very good with sense of direction, but I’m usually not driving when I’m up there. I do, however, pay attention when other people drive. I was all over the place, do you hear me? Midtown, Canal St, Uptown, lunching at BBQs by the Park…you couldn’t tell me SHIT! We had a great time. But I know what you’re thinking…and this is monumental noteworthy #2….I did NOT call the boy! At all! I was even in BK AND Queens over the weekend. Aren’t you proud? I am. Of course, I thought about him, and talked about him a bit, but my girls told me they rather me do that then call him. Plus, I was too busy getting love from NY men. Good LAWD. Dudes were walking up to me in the club Saturday night saying “You’re gorgeous”. I mean dayum…I know this but to hear it? Continuously? LOL. So, it was a great weekend…we ate, we shopped, we walked, we laughed.

Before I left for NY last weekend, I met a guy. I was standing in line at a store by my house and he walked by me and gave me the OBVIOUS “I’m checking you out” up and down look. It was funny…but I spoke to him since he was investing so much time checking me out…LOL. Let me not front….this nucca is SEC-SY. Tall, thick and chocolate with a bald head. YUM. Anyhoo, we talked, we walked outside together, we exchanged numbers. Great. We’ve talked a few times over the past week….but there are a couple of issues. *sigh*

Why did this nigga tell me his name is “daddy”? Notice I refuse to capitalize the “d”. X thinks that shit his hilarious….she said I refuse to lend credence to the fact that it could be his proper name. Come on now…I’m not THAT gullible. He told me to call him daddy…I told him the only person I call daddy is an older gentleman that looks like me, gave his sperm to make me, and has my last name. He gave me his home number (either he’s slipping or he thought I was THAT cute) and upon my investigation, I discovered an initial that wasn’t a “d” registered to that number. What a surprise.
I met him last Saturday…by Wednesday, he was asking me to spend the night. FOUR DAYS? I laughed right in his ear. He was like “I’m not saying we have to do…” I didn’t even let him finish that sentence. I told him that I KNOW he didn’t say that, but how the fuck am I supposed to not only come to your crib, but spend the night with you after four days? I spoke to him yesterday, and he asked why I wasn’t over there, or why he wasn’t over here…I thought that was just precious. Yeah, it would have been cool to be snowed in with a big thick SEC-SY chocolate ex-football player, but dude, can I know you for more than 5 mins?

So, here we are. I think I’ve figured it out. #1 Niggas are spoiled…these stupid, gullible, “I’ll do anything that you ask” broads of today have fugged it up for all of the REAL women out here. Lil’ sis is a prime example of this type of woman. Knowing/seeing her in action has made me realize why these niggas act the way they do. #2 He’s a big, cute ex-football player from a big school…yes, he’s been out of school for a while, but he’s probably used to women running up to him and shoving their thongs in his pocket. Now, don’t get me wrong. I want to jump his bones. Please believe it. But dayum. It’s only been a week. We spoke yesterday, and he got a lil’ mad/sensitive and got off of the phone with me! Talkin ‘bout “you’re not saying what I want to hear”…LOL…ya’ll know Rhap doesn’t hold her tongue! I told him he was funny, and sensitive, and he needed to get a real problem. What’s wrong with that? We’ll see what happens today. We’re supposed to watch the playoffs together. I’ll keep you posted.

Other than that, things are cool. I’m about to join a gym and get these extra pounds off. I’m a thick girl, but I’m used to being a little more toned. The warm weather will be here before we know it….I have an image to uphold. I’m going to catch up on all of your blogs now…I know I have a LOT to read. If I meet up with ol’ boy today (did I mention how S.E.C.-S.Y. he is?) I may be back later with a post.

In Conclusion...

2005-01-09T16:27:00.000-05:00

Just checkin in folks...not much to report. It's a nice, lazy Sunday, and the NFL Playoffs are on so we'll make this quick.

Big boss ended up not coming last week. She had an unexpected project and was unable to get down to our office. She did, however, have an extended talk with DH, and told my coworker that she feels confident in the plans that he has in place. DH pulled me in during the latter part of the week to check on me and to tell me that he feels good in the things that I'd showed in the 2 days since my review. What did I do differently? Umm..nothing that I know of. He said MS has been giving me kudos and that I've been "cranking". Mmhmm. He said that he realizes now that he's been out of the loop on a lot of stuff, and he's going to get more involved now. He needs to...MS has clearly been playing both sides. The review and subsequent conversation caused us both to come to the realization that he didn't know things that we all thought he did. The biggest thing he found out was that things on paper have been MUCH different than things being said. HUGE discovery. It was definitely a learning experience for all involved. DH learned that MS has been fakin....I learned that MS has been playing both sides and MS....well he learned NOT to fuck with me. Wonderful!

Now that all of that has died down, there's really not much else to report...LOL. I've been getting a lot of stuff done around the house that I hadn't done because I thought I was going to be moving. I also reconnected with a producer friend on the music front, and we're going to start working together again. All in all...a pleasant start to 2005. Now, if I could just get my love life together....*sigh*

No more contact from HIM...think he's gettin' the picture?

When Will People LEARN?

2005-01-05T20:29:00.000-05:00

Well, well, well. It seems as if there is now ONE more person in this world that had to learn the hard way NOT to FUCK with me. The meeting went down yesterday...and it got HEATED, do you hear me? First off, lemme explain the players. There's my sup, "MS", then there's HIS boss, who is the head of the department "DH"...no, not dickhead, department head. The day started with me being called into MS's office. He says, "I've talked to DH, and we've decided that we're going to look over your review again. We understand your concerns and we definitely don't want to hold you back from getting to the next level. We've all had a pretty good working relationship up until now, and I don't want this to sabotage that." I say ok, then go back to my desk. I'm thinking, hey, they've seen their fuckery (thanks Elle...LOVE that word!) and they're going to make it right and be fair.

I'm called back in a little later, and am given draft #2. Long story short, it was still unacceptable to me. I still had a problem with feeling like I was being judged unfairly, and that there was a boatload of negative items with not as many positive items. I hear "good job" TOO MUCH to not have any of that in my review. So, I announce that I am still requiring the meeting with DH before I’ll sign. I go back to my desk, print out the 3 PAGES of notes/points that I had done the night before, and enter the conference room. Wooo…ya’ll, this is when it got good. I handled my fucking business, do you hear me? The meeting was 2 hours long, so of course it’s too much to put down verbatim. BUT there are highlights. DH got so upset at one point that he was about to walk out. I had just told them, in a matter-of-fact tone, that if I am not supported and appreciated, then I didn’t need to be there. Makes sense, right? He got PISSED. Said he couldn’t believe I said that, it hurt him, etc…he wouldn’t have been making calls for me to transfer if he didn’t believe in me and support me. I said, well, this review and what you just said? TWO DIFFERENT THINGS. Either I need medication, or somebody needs a writing course. So, we went down point by point, but I focused on the areas that were still left (they had taken all of the other bullshit out): punctuality, and internet/phone.
• Punctuality: I broke it down like this…I made it clear that MS had BEEN telling me that if I thought I was going to be more than 15 minutes late, to call. I do that. MS always makes such a production out of how DH is anal, and how DH is petty about time, etc. MS has even said to me before “I don’t trip off of 5 or 10 minutes”. Well that muhfucka got in the conference room and tried to sound self-righteous and indignant…”I may have said that but I meant it for every now and then…not every day”. Mofo I don’t DO it every day! “Well, actually you come in around 15 mins late 2 to 3 times a week”. Oh word? And you’re sitting here as my SUPERVISOR admitting to YOUR supervisor that you ALLOW that? Dumbass. Complete and utter bullshit. Let’s not even talk about how many times I get there and I’m in before DH AND MS. But, whatever…they fixed it up and said something about having a lot of traffic and just to be more cognizant. In my comments I pretty much said there had been miscommunication and misconceptions because management changed their tune. Rhap 1, THEM, 0.
• Internet/Phone: This was so great, I almost orgasmed silently in my seat. DH started with the…”well I’ve walked by a few times and seen…” That’s great. I told them, “I’m not going to sit here and tell you I’m not on the internet. I’m not a liar. But I WILL say this….it’s hypocritical of somebody to write a negative review comment about something that has been previously encouraged.” MS just looks at me. He knows where this is going…he goes “yes, I do have an ESPN ticker on my screen, but…” But what mofo? It’s ok for you but not for me? I helped him along with his speech. “Yes, you do. You’ve also stood at my desk looking at menus, houses, handbags, cars, and EBAY with me. You’ve also sent me emails (which I had copies of) with Dave Chappelle internet links in them. The one time you DID mention internet to me, you put it on DH. You said that he mentioned something, but it was ‘off the record’ and ‘not serious enough to write down’. That all occurred in the past 3 months. You also SHOP on the internet and have your purchases shipped to the office. So now you see why I use the term ‘hypocritical’ when you write in MY review that I should ‘lead by example’. You could have heard a pin drop. I think it was then that DH first said something like, “I wasn’t aware of some things and believe me, and I’m making mental notes for MS’s review”. Hmph. I don’t even need to tell you how THAT one ended. Here is what I wrote in the comments section for that one:

I was unaware that my occasional use of the internet and participation in personal phone calls was affecting my performance in any way, because I meet my deadlines on a normal basis in addition to taking on additional work. I take full responsibility for participating in both activities; however I feel that the placement of my desk may play a part in making it appear to be abusive behavior. I have established myself as the “go to” person in the department and this area is no exception. I am often asked for directions, menus, etc. by various people in the department, INCLUDING management. There are quite a few websites that I visit for work purposes, and this review makes no determination of specificity in terms of which sites are a problem. In addition I feel that the statement “lead by example” is hypocritical when there is “normal” to “heavy” internet usage, including shopping, by various levels of management in the department. I have expressed my concern with the standard to which I am judged being the same across the board, and have been assured that it is. Unfortunately this is the first time that I have been notified of this short fall being a serious problem, but I will make a conscious effort to be cognizant of my personal usage of both from now on.
Rhap 2, Them 0!!

So, after 2 hours of talking, DH sits there looking blown but trying to hide it because he OBVIOUSLY hasn’t been getting full stories, and MS sits there just looking plain crazy. They agreed that there needed to be more positives, and said they would make yet ANOTHER revision. After that, DH leaves, MS lags behind to talk to me….to “smooth things over”. Yeah. Whatever. I know I put him out there, and it wasn’t maliciously, it was to show that the same things I was being criticized for, he was allowing/doing. We left the room, and after receiving the 3rd draft, I added my comments (including the one above) and signed it. But wait…there’s more. I got my to my desk and instantly emailed my mentor…he told me that it sounded like I did well, and that the BIG boss was still coming down this week, and she knew I wanted to transfer. Ahhh…but DH and MS don’t know that. DH even said that he would be hurt if I wanted to quit, and hopes I would come to him first. Quit? No. LOVE the company. Transfer? Yes…TIRED OF YOU TWO! That review was a joke. WHY did it take THREE TIMES for you to write all of the positive stuff that should have been in the first one? Oh, that’s right…you were too busy writing negative BULLSHIT.

So, tomorrow ought to be very interesting. I’m anxious to see/hear what BIG boss has to say. She knows people want out of there, she knows that there is someone on our team that has brought down morale and needs to be fired. I’ll keep you posted. Why is she coming? Because coworker and I planned this perfectly. We both spoke to our mentors and let them know there was a SERIOUS problem. This review shit just happened to occur at the same time, so that makes it even better.

Oh yeah…DH called my coworker in and asked her about MS. He said he realized now that there have been MAJOR differences between stuff on paper, and stuff being said…wanted to know if she agreed. YUP! And if there was somebody that had to bring about that realization for him, I was oh so glad to do it! So, I’m good. I’m going to grin and bear it until I can either get transferred or promoted out of there. I’ll be fine, and management is shook. They brought this on themselves….but what did they learn? Do NOT fuck with Rhap! Rhap WINS!!

***********************************************************************

P.S. HE emailed me again...a forward this time. That nigga ain't neva sent me a foward a day in HIS life! Who you foolin' man? Once again, it got deleted without a response.

Hello 2005!

2005-01-03T18:44:00.000-05:00

First blog of the new year! Hooray! I can't believe it's 2005. I'll be 28 in less than 6 months. Good grief. I had a good time on New Year's. Nothing big, nice small gathering, and I was home safe and sound by 1:30am. That's what I'm talking about. I've been hibernating ALL weekend. I had today off so I had a 3 dayer. I ain't do SHIT. I read, watched a lot of TV, cooked, and slept. I was supposed to be washing clothes, putting clothes away, packing up summer stuff, and painting. Rrrright. I did tape the rooms I need to paint..just have to slap the paint up there.

Tomorrow is the big meeting at my job about my review. I'll do my comments a little later tonight. This is going to be GREAT. I thought my direct sup was cool, but I see his gangsta now. I was warned, but I tried to stick up for him. S'ok. Like I said in previous posts...I've got the documentation and the fortitude, so let's get it poppin'.

I sent THE email to HIM a couple weeks ago. He called me twice, then silence. He said a few things that got back to me..you know, talking shit that I had never heard before, all in the name of "male pride". Whatever. All has been pretty quiet since last week...UNTIL...today...LOL. I log into my email to see HIS name sitting there, and a RE: to the email I sent. I thought he had finally worked up the nerve to write back. Know what he said? "Happy New Year". Priceless. Yes, that was it.

I'ma let you marinate on that for a bit. I'm going to paint.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

2004-12-31T20:55:00.000-05:00

Real quick...'cause Rhap is going OUT tonight! Well, not OUT out...I'm not paying $3,000 to get in nobody's club...hell no. I'm going to a "house gathering". I feel funny calling it a "house party" because that instantly conjures up the image of Kid 'n Play. Anyhoo, it's almost 9 and I have to get ready, but I couldn't leave without wishing my peeps a HAPPY NEW YEAR! I hope you all have a wonderful, happy, SAFE night!

By the way...the job thing? You just wait until next week...I have stirred up a LOT of mess because stupid ass people don't have the proper documentation with signatures before they write reviews. Hmm. What a concept. I have the author of that review sweating a lil' bit, walking around the office asking people "Well, what did she say? Do I have anything to worry about?" You DAMN right you do! You have fucked with the WRONG one! Unlike him, I HAVE a paper trail in some areas, and all of that info will be coming with me to the meeting that I have requested on Tuesday with him AND HIS boss. My points will be direct, succinct, and backed up by facts. That nicca tried to throw me under the bus...well I'm backing up the Mack truck. I have the support of my mentor, who is the aformentioned person's old supervisor. I also have my boss' boss interested in what's going on. Ya'll want to play? Let's rock. Do NOT fuck with Rhap.

Peace guys...be safe...have fun...holla atcha next year!!!

STILL TRYING to Stay Positive!!

2004-12-28T18:52:00.000-05:00

You know, I'll be the first to admit that I'm a kinky bitch. BUT I am TIRED of people bending me over and fucking me in the ass with no lube, no kiss, no phone call....not even a damn hug! Am I that horrible of a person??

Where does this come from, you ask? I got my annual review today. I was so pissed after reading that bullshit that I was almost CRYING in anger at WORK. That's deep people. You regs to my blog know how much I work...late nights, Saturdays even. You also know that I put up with an extraordinary amount of bullshit on a daily basis. Well, after reading my review today, on paper, I am always late, always on the phone, surfing the internet, irritated and annoyed when interrupted, not offering enough solutions, BUT always eager to lend a helping hand, technically untouchable, extremely approachable and very communicative. WHAT??? This has GOT to be a joke. I spent the first few minutes back at my desk today waiting for Ashton to jump out with the TV cameras to tell me I was being Punk'd. Seriously. For my boss to be telling me repeatedly for the past couple of months "you're doing a great job", then to be the author of that bullshit? I'm done. Seriously. Then, they're telling me..."don't look at is as negative, you could turn these into positives". Grrrrr. Who the fuck is going to want to promote me or accept a transfer with all of that shit written about me?

I'm tired of being stabbed in the back. My boss will offer his help, then say after the fact, "well I had to jump in and help you because you waited until the last minute to start a report". WHAT? Didn't you just give me a half person's worth of work, in ADDITION to what I'm already responsible for, after my coworker got promoted? That's ok though. I'm strong. I can handle this. I'm putting the wheels in motion to get the hell up outta that office. Not the company...just that office.

I'm just so through. I'm going to have a BALL writing the rebuttal (we get to add comments) to this bad boy.

That's it. I'm emotionally spent after this day....

Happy ChrismaHannuhKwanzaakuh To You!!

2004-12-26T10:58:00.000-05:00

Merrrry Christmas! (for those of you that don't celebrate it, please reference greeting above). I hope everyone had a WONDERFUL holiday, and you are all enjoying this time with family and friends. I had a ball. It's funny though....two things happened yesterday that made me realize just HOW old I am: #1. I woke up at 8am and looked at the clock..then rolled back over because it was NOT that serious and I wasn't trying to get up yet, and #2. Me and my whole crew were ready to go to bed by 11:30pm. Isn't that hilarious? You would think we were 50 years old instead of in our late 20's! Oh well.

I wake up this morning, wanting to get my shop on (of course). I look outside....and it's fricking SNOWING! HARD. I'm at my parent's place....in Southern VA....it doesn't snow like this THIS early! What in the devil is going on? How am I supposed to get out and do some respectful shopping if it's snowing? Looks like I have a relaxing day in the house ahead of me, because "Homie Don't Play That". I haven't been home(down here) in the snow in so long, I'm not sure how they do the plowing. You know, up in DC Metro, the damn plow trucks are out before the snow even has time to hit the ground and get comfortable. I am SO glad I took tomorrow off and don't have to worry about driving back today. I would have been one angry broad if I had to travel 200+ miles in the snow. Never the less...I have two big novels with me, a kitchen full of food, a big screen TV, and the Redskins/Dallas game on at 4:15. I'm good. I can always do a "little" shopping tomorrow.

Home Sweet Home

2004-12-24T10:39:00.000-05:00

Whew! This has been a rough week for me guys. I came back from NY Sunday in a snowstorm with mixed emotions, because I felt in my heart that my relationship was over. The weekend with HIM was horrible. It just was. Without going into specifics, one little thing that I did over 2 months ago has affected HIS feelings/actions for me. Nothing adulterous or anything like that...something so small, so insignificant in the grand scheme of things, that if I shared it, you all would scream. Anyway, didn't act as "HE thought I should" and ever since then it's been "weird". The events of last weekend proved to me that it was time. Lord was it ever time. I almost put my hands on that man ya'll...THAT is how ugly it got! Monday, things were decent, but Monday night that muhfugga just HAD to send me one of those "well I thought we were at least friends" messages. Now, before you scratch your head, lemme explain. I have no problem remaining friends with someone that I used to have a relationship with. BUT because my heart doesn't have a switch, and I can't just stop loving someone automatically, it takes time for me to be able to see them in that "just friends" light....ya dig? Plus with HIM, our mutual attraction is/was so strong, that we would try the friends thing and end up "more". So, I knew that THIS time, it would take a while for me, and HE knew that. Knew it, but didn't accept it. The time I take to get my mind right, to HIM means that "if we can't be together then I don't want to talk to you". *sigh* Men. So, I get the messages Monday night, and instantly fire something back, basically telling him HE was being selfish. HE wrote back and basically made me out to be the bad guy, because HE was just "reaching out to a friend".

I thought about that statement all night, and by the time I got to work Tuesday, I felt an email coming on....I'm best with my feelings on paper, so I started typing. I can communicate well with words too, but when you write, you can organize your thoughts, make sure nothing is left out, don't have to worry about forgetting something because the other person interrupts you...etc. Well, when I finished typing, it was 6 pages long. Yes, SIX. Ya'll, I exhaled. I didn't mean for it to be that long. I started out just touching on the friends thing, but ended up chronocoling our ENTIRE relationship. As I wrote, two things occured to me. #1, I REALLY need to start a book, and #2, I have been through a LOT with this man! I've put up with so much from this man...I've been patient, supportive, understanding, loving, caring...and what have I got to show for it in return? A broken heart? Is THAT how it's supposed to go?

Anyway, I sent it to HIM, HE read it, big brother read it (remember, they're like best friends) and called me sounding SO blown. It was a masterpiece ya'll....*brushing shoulders off*. He called to make sure I was ok...I had exhaled, so I was fine! Lemme explain...in the email, I left no stone unturned. I left no "emergency escape route" that would allow him to 'try" to prove me wrong and get out of something. I even ended it on a positive note....wishing HIM and his son well. If it wasn't so dayum long I would post it. I digress....HE told big bro he wasn't going to respond, but I knew I would hear from HIM. Sure enough, a couple days later I get a phone call. "I got your email....it was whoa...but I hear you...I've got nothing but love for you. I guess things just didn't turn out the way you would have hoped....we'll just leave it at that." HUH? The way I would have hoped? ME?? Nigga, didn't YOU want me to move as much as I wanted to? Let me make something abundantly clear. If I hadn't taken a stand after this weekend, we would still be in the same revolving cypher. I had to break that shit. But, whatever. Getting over him is going to be rough...but if he keeps leaving me stupid ass messages like that that reinforce my decision, maybe it won't. A lot of my friends believe that I am making room for my TRUE Prince Charming. *sigh*

Yeah, I'm Talking To YOU

2004-12-20T10:21:00.000-05:00

There is a lot of blog biting going on right now...but this looks therapeutic. In case you're not familiar, I got this from X, who got it from Fran...you say things to 12 people that you haven't said to their face....or in my case, some things that have been said that need to be reiterated....
***************************************************************************
12. Fuck you. It's over. There is nothing I wouldn't have done for you, for US, but you still weren't satisfied. I'm done going over and above the call of duty to try to please you. I thought you were it...I thought you were the one. But things have been different for the past couple of months, and I've been telling you that it didn't feel right. You telling me that you are going to try, with no passion in your voice, only makes me even MORE sad. It's obvious to everyone but you that something is missing. I know you have a lot going on right now, but part of life is learning how to balance...you're older than me so why am I having to tell YOU that? I should be your bright spot. I should be the one sure thing in your life that you KNOW is going to make you happy. With all of the stressful things that you have going on, you should be able to rest assured that I am there for you, I love you, I am there for US, I have your back WITHOUT QUESTION. But you're hung up on some petty shit. You're comparing me to stupid ass girls that will do anything to try to impress you. I don't HAVE to clean your house or cook you dinner to impress you. Nigga I AM impressive. Everything about me is impressive. My walk, my smile, my scent, my house, my love, my education, my career, my drive...THAT is the shit you should be comparing. After all we've been through, you're letting one little thing affect how you feel about me. After all of the things that you've done this year alone, all the experiences that could make me pass judgment...I didn't...that's love. I told you how I was feeling over and over.....guess you didn't take me seriously, because I'm out. Your loss.

11. Thank you. You're the big brother that I never had. You and I have a friendship that is indescribable. You're always there for me, and no matter what the situation is, I know I can come to you for REAL talk. I appreciate you, and I am so blessed to have someone like you in my life.

10. I love you like a sister. You frustrate me at times because you're a bit naive, and you don't know a lot about this big mean world yet. I try to look out for you as best as I can, and lead you in the right directions. There are a lot of things that I can't teach you. Some things you have to just go through on your own to learn the lesson. When it comes to me though, you hold me down. For real. You are always there for me, no matter what time of day or night, and you know this has been a rough year for me. Your unselfish love and dedication mean a lot to me, and I will always be there for you.

9. I have thoughts about you that I shouldn't. Due to your situation, those kind of thoughts should not happen. You still think about me too...you've told me as much. We can't cross that line though...there's no turning back after that happens....we both know better.

8. YOU'RE BACK! The person that I've known for so long is finally here! I'm excited about our friendship now! There was a time when you did and said certain things that I couldn't get down with. We all have to grow, and learn, and mature...and you went through that stage. You had a lot going on, and were being hurt and disrepected by someone that you loved. It was hard to watch, but it made you a stronger, more confident person. Watch out world!

7. You amaze me. You don't agree with all of my decisions, but you are strong enough to tell me, and it doesn't affect our friendship. I LOVE that. You made it no secret that you didn't agree with my choice for romance...on more than one occasion...But you still stood by me. Our friendship is solid, and I love you. You're not sane, but hey...neither am I!

6. Girl...wow. We've only known each other...what...a couple of years? Met on the internet (no you dirty bastards...not like THAT). Who knew that a listserv would bring together two people that would form a sisterhood, and a lifetime friendship? You are DEFINITELY the big sister that I never had. You keep it real with me, in ALL areas, and I treasure that. I can come to you for anything, and I know you'll be there. I don't see you as much as I would like to, but we'll have to work on that. I hope you know that I will ALWAYS be there for you and if there is ever anything that you need, you got it. Our minds are so alike in so many areas that it scares me sometimes...we've got to get started on our book!

Sidebar...if you guys can't figure out THAT one, then you are S.L.O.W.....LOL....

5. I think about you every now and then. It didn't work out, but sometimes I start the "what if"s. I think it's for the best though. We speak every now and then, and it's cool. I wish you all of the best. You are a great person with a HUGE drive, and I know I'm going to be reading about you in the paper one day VERY soon.

4. You are the best. The values that you instilled, the love that you gave, the lessons that you taught...all helped me become the woman that I am. I love you, you little shrimp you!

3. You are a ROCK. A girl couldn't ask for a better support system. It was a little rough there for a few years....but that's only because I got my personality from you! Now that I'm grown we can truly appreciate each other, and I LOVE that we are friends too!

2. I grew up wanting to be like you. I tried to imitate your look, your style, your mannerisms....LOL. You are A BEAST. You're a wonderful mother, and just plain infuggincredible! Do you realize how wonderful and FABULOUS you are? Every time I see you, I just shake my head...you are one well put together chick, and I love being around you. We don't speak as much as we should, because we both have a lot going on...but we both know the love and support are there. You are my family, my blood, and love you to pieces. I just have one question...can I be like you when I grow up?

1. You are an amazing woman. You have so much to give, and so much love to share. I know what you're a little down about certain aspects of your life, but things will get better. Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. That one is out there. He's waiting for you. Don't stress it, just get out and enjoy living your life, and it will happen. You are blessed to have a lot of positive things in your life, so try to focus on those, rather than the negatives. You have plenty of friends to lean on, family to support you, and self-love to get through ANYTHING. I love you, you are beautiful, and one hell of a person. Chin up!
****************************************************************************

Damn! That was GREAT! I feel like I just exhaled....whew! One of them is from me, to me...hmmmm...can you figure out which one??

Following The Crowd....AGAIN

2004-12-15T19:03:00.000-05:00

That damn Elle threatened me, so:

Three names you go by:

Tiff
Princess
*shrug*

Three screennames you have:

Princess T
Rhapsodi
Tiff W

Three things you like about yourself:

My shape (minus a lil' tummy)
My personality
My attitude

Three things you hate/dislike about yourself:

Said aforementioned tummy
My Procrastination...at times
My sensitivity...at times...

Three parts of your heritage:

African-American
Some Asian...somewhere 3 generations back..and NO I don't know which one!
Blackfoot Indian

Three things that scare you:

Crazy Driving
Death
Bugs

Three of your everyday essentials:

Perfume/MAC
Heels
Music

Three things you are wearing right now:

Scarf...yup, hair is already wrapped up
Lounging outfit
Diamond Studs

Three of your favorite bands/artists (at the moment):

Teedra Moses
Linkin Park
Conya Doss

Three of your favorite songs at present:

"Down Here in Hell" Van Hunt
"No More Tears" Teedra Moses
"Points of Authority/99 Problems" Jay Z & Linkin Park

Three new things you want to try in the next 12 months:

Living in NY
Singing more...out...in public...
COMPLETELY stop smoking

Three things you want in a relationship (love is a given):

Laughter
Trust
Honesty

Two truths and a lie:

I went to jail in college.
I am a former exotic dancer.
I've been told my head game is unmatched.

Three physical things about the opposite sex (or same) that appeal to you:

Full lips
Thick build
Chocolate skin

Three things you just can't do:

Sleep with a married man
Be fake around people that I think are stupid/liars/naive
EVER get on a motorcycle EVER EVER again

Three of your favorite hobbies:

Reading
Singing
Shopping

Three things you want to do really badly right now:

Hit the lottery
Make more money
Have more faith and spirituality

Three careers you're considering:

Umm....Accountant? LOL
Singer
Professional "good job" ass slapper for the NFL

Three places you want to go on vacation:

Bermuda
Greece
Australia

Three kids names: for either a boy or girl

Have
No
Clue

Three things you want to do before you die:

Get married
Have a baby
Be publicly recognized for my singing

Three...fugg that....Four people who have to take this quiz now or die painfully:

X has three others covered, so,
Sid
Edwige
Epitomi
The Black New Yorker

Monday Morning Blues....

2004-12-13T08:57:00.000-05:00

Ok, I don't really have the blues. I'm actually in a pretty decent mood. But I do have the blues because I'm not in my bed. I went to the 'Skins game last night....I don't know why I think I'm still in college and can hang out late and still come to work. I should have known when I saw it was an 8:30pm game that this morning was going to be extra special...LOL. Ya'll know I am NOT a morning person. I didn't hear the alarm go off, didn't hear my phone ring when HE called.....it was that deep.

Work is quiet so far (then again, it's only 9am). End of month stuff is over so I'm hoping we have a nice, slow, "regular" week. I'm going up to NY this weekend so that gives me something to look forward to. I don't consider myself "touristy", but I've already put in my request with HIM to go to Rockefeller Center to see the decorations. You New Yorkers, shuddup....LOL. I know, I know. But it's SO pretty and I haven't been in years! Leave me alone! I want to go to Century 21, definitely. I've already given myself a "stern talking to", and I will NOT be going to Herald Square to go to Macy's...I need to by gifts for OTHER PEOPLE and not myself...*dramatic sigh*. If I go up in there, not only will I be there for a full day, I'll spend all of my Christmas money! I figure when I come back up for New Years, I'll go then. Oh, don't worry...I'm not doing THAT on New Years...I will NOT be in Times Square. No. Just coming back for the long weekend.

Anyhoot, I guess it's time to start pretending to work. Happy Monday everyone.

TRYING To Stay Positive!

2004-12-09T14:31:00.001-05:00

Damnit I did it again! It's been a WEEK since my last blog! How does this happen? Where does the time go? My week has been relatively quiet...I think. We all know my memory ain't shit...LOL. I didn't do much over the weekend...cleaned the house, got a relaxer, read a lot, relaxed....it was great.

No change at this dayum job. The bosses are still stupid and I don't enjoy coming here much anymore. I'm trying to stay positive...really I am. The good thing is, I work in an environment where it's the "norm" to move around and work in various offices. So, not only do I have plans to go to NY, but I may be able to transfer to a different regional office in the DC area before I move. Thank the Lord. Something has to change, or I'm going to get fired for cursing somebody out. The latest is that we "are loud and make noise and must have plenty of free time so there isn't a need to hire anyone else". Are you fuggin kidding me? I swear, our department head is the most anal, micromanaging, petty, two-faced, BITCH. He simply amazes me some time. He talks all of this crap about us, then comes and smiles in our faces. And we work our ASSES off man! Underapreciation is NOT a good look! He's a nice guy...and I really mean that...but his management style SUCKS.

***********************************************************************************
AS I'M TYPING THIS HE SENDS ME AN EMAIL WITH "?"...WANTING TO KNOW IF I MADE AN ENTRY THAT HE TOLD ME TO MAKE YESTERDAY. YES!!! I AM NOT A FUCKING KINDERGARTENER!! I MADE THE ENTRY YESTERDAY! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!
***********************************************************************************

*sigh* Wooosaaaaaahhhhhh.....wwooooosssahhhhh...I must pay my mortgage, I must pay my mortgage.....

Anyway, let me tell this here story....a friend of mine called me yesterday, completely blown away by something that happened to her. She had been interacting with this guy...talking on the phone occasionally, on IM, sending emails, and even met him for dinner/drinks a few times. I don't think she was in LOVE....didn't want to marry the cat or anything, but he was cool, ya know? She hadn't slept with him yet (thank goodness), but he made it VERY clear to her that he was interested in sex, spoke of it quite frequently with her, tried to come over her house to "chill", etc. WHY did she call me, completely blown, because she found out that dude is married? MARRIED.WITH.CHILDREN. Come on now maaaaannnnn....why, why, WHY do people do this? I'm trying to not say what I really want to say....fuck that, this is my blog, I'm going to say it: NIGGAS AIN'T SHIT. Yeah, I said it. Now, I know this isn't ALL men. I know this. I have a good contender, I have plenty of male friends that are good men, and I've read SOME of your blogs and you SEEM to be genuine...but them other cats? Ain't shit. HE and I have had the discussion about cheating on many occasions. We each wonder the same thing....why get married if you're going to cheat? It makes no sense! If you want to play the field, and do your thing with more than one person, cool...but DON'T GET MARRIED. It's that simple to me. Not rocket science. Now, I've done dirt in my day....I've been cheated on, I've slept with men with girlfriends. I was young, and didn't give a fuck. Now that I'm older and more mature, I KNOW that isn't right, and since I know what it's like to be the girlfriend and find out that your man is unfaithful, I couldn't do that to another woman. Can you imagine being a WIFE and finding out that your husband was unfaithful? I would LOSE IT ya'll. For real. I would put my hands on that man so hard that I would probaby end up behind bars. You just don't DO that to people! These grown ass men running around here know better! And I'm not stupid...I know there are chicks out there doing the same thing. It's ridiculous, unnecessary, and usually ends up hurting an innocent person. CUT IT OUT!

Stay Positive

2004-12-01T13:50:00.001-05:00

Just when you get to a point in your life when you feel like you need a change, things begin to happen. Not to me, to people around me. Things that make me shut the hell up and suck it up, because things could be worst.

I have a friend that I went to high school with...sweetest guy on earth. Always making people laugh. My age...27. He is slowly losing his eyesight. I think he can see images and shapes, but that's it. He now walks with the help of a blind sensing stick. I have a hard time seeing him that like that because I've known him for years...but you know what makes me feel better? He does! His spirit is the same as always...he's still one of the happiest people I know. He doesn't let that slow him down at all!

Another friend that I went to high school with had a court case today. False accusation, hopefully it will all be taken care of...but this man, his girlfriend, and his family are really going through it right now. We all got together when we were home to show support, and to say a prayer for him. You never know with the judicial system in VA...another great guy, would give you the shirt off of his back. He and his family have really suffered...when I was still in college, his brother and cousin were found murdered. Hopefully everything will turn out ok.

Lil' Sis got in a car accident last night. Both airbags deployed. She's okay, but was very shaken up by the time she got home. The car may be totaled, but she walked away from it with no major injuries.

HE lost his grandfather week before last. Had to bury the man over the Thanksgiving holiday. Can you imagine? I can't.

All of these things have really caused me to take a look at my life over the past few days. A couple of them have moved me beyond words. I'm going to try to stop looking at the negatives in my life and look at all of the positives...I'm not saying that all of my "issues" will go away, but I can definitely try to look at things with a more positive attitude.

Back to work I go.....

Holiday Cheer

2004-11-26T14:33:00.000-05:00

Hey!! How ya'll doin? (In my best Texas accent) I'm fab. I love the holidays. I love being around my family, and you know I love the food. It's Friday afternoon and I still have pajamas on...this shit is the greatest. Moms and I are about to hit the mall though...who knew southern VA had a mall with a Lord & Taylor AND a DSW?? It is ON!! We didn't do that "let's get up at the crack of moisture and stand in line at 5am" crap this year. We did that ONE time...to be in Hechts by 7something....not anymore. I'm too old for that crap. Last year I stayed up all night with a group of friends and went to Circuit City at 6am...absolute pandemonium. Bananas. Yeah, I got some good music, but I didn't feel like cussing nobody out over the last copy of ANYTHING this morning. Plus, I was sleepy. I got up this morning and my mommy (yeah, I said it...shutdafuggup) made us omelets and croissants with juice...then I had a piece of cake...LOL. My dad just finished washing all of our cars....ahhhhh the luxuries afforded when you come home. Unbeatable.

The rest of my week at work was cool...my boss let me leave at 1pm on Wednesday, so I got a head start on traffic. I didn't take the interstate though...hell no. I took a back road that runs parallell....got down here in under 4 hours. Other people I know didn't have it as fortunate though....HE and his peeps drove to Ohio from NY....12 hours. My poor baby. *gasp* Did I just say that? *sigh* THAT has been going pretty well....I had a minor mental/emotional breakdown last week and I began to feel like walking away from EVERYTHING, including HIM, my job, DC...but I'm better now. It was just one of those weeks. I'm much better now. Anyhoo, HE said the other day, in the cutest of voices, "Do you think we can spend next Thanksgiving together?" Awwww! How precious is that? And already inquiring as to my plans for New Years? I hear you....you better work! It doesn't help that I always get mushy and emotional around the holidays. I can't help it! Piss off! *sniffle*

Oh, a quick update on the situation with dude and lil' sis....LOL...I can't even believe that I have to type this....they're pretty much back together. That's all I'm going to say. HE and I have decided to stay COMPLETELY out of it this time, so I'm not even going to comment. Oooohhhh I want to, but I'm not gonna. Stop it. You can't make me. I just want them both to be happy....I REALLY don't think it's going to work at this point, but.....DAMNIT! There I go with my opinion again! I'm stopping....right now.

Oh well, gotta go. There are sales to enjoy and more food to eat. I hope you all had a WONDERFUL holiday yesterday, and are taking the time to enjoy your loved ones this holiday season. Life is short....don't leave this place with regrets.....

********DISCLAIMER**********
YES, yes, Rhapsodi has a caring, soft side, as evident in the last two sentences. Don't get used to it, and don't try to use that shit against me, or I'll make your life a living hell. *sweet smile*

I'll Holla....

A New Day...

2004-11-22T08:47:00.000-05:00

I had this whole pretty, elaborate, detailed blog that I did yesterday...and it got erased. I don't know what happened, but it got missing. Oh well. I had a good weekend...well after I almost blew my top and cussed people out...but what else is new?

Saturday I knew I had errands to run, so I decided to start out early to get everthing done. I got a call from HIM before my second stop. HE basically told me that HE talked to the dude that was seeing lil' sis (remember the crap from Act 2 of my last blog)...who is also like a big brother to me. HE talked to dude, and basically dude told HIM that "my bad advice" was to blame for the change in lil' sis and the end of their relationship. Oooohhhh ya'll....I was HEATED. It took me 3 more stops, 2 cigarettes, 1 venti Caramel Machiatto from da 'Bucks, 1 lip glass holiday pack from MAC, 1 new cute pair of 9west shoes, 4 phone calls, and a BIG pep talk from HIM for me to calm down. Yeah, I was that mad. It's bad enough that it had been said once...but now that's the official "campagin slogan" for the "end of an era"? Get the fugg outta here. HE had good points...we all know the true dynamic of that relationship...sex. I wasn't going to go there, but after he said it I allowed myself to think that. I know the two parties involved really and truly had feelings for each other, but hey... HE also said that he didn't even comment to dude, because it was that ridiculous, and if that is the scapegoat that dude wants to use, then so be it. Grrrr. Once again, I am put in a position where I have to be the bigger person and keep my mouth shut. I even found it in my heart to keep my plans with lil' sis and go out with her to celebrate her birthday, even though I was NOT in the mood. The 5 martinis helped though. Seriously though, I'm tired of being the bigger person ALL of the time. When does it end?

Yesterday I got my clean on, watched some football (the surround sound was LOUD...I was hoping loud family came and rung my damn doorbell), and just took it easy. I wanted to start reading some of my books (I FINALLY got Da Vinci Code...I read Digital Fortress first) but I didn't have time. Organizing my closet was a BITCH. I went to Lowes and bought a couple of those huge rubber containers to store clothes in...I realized that I was not properly utilizing my closet space, so I worked that out. Made dinner, cried a little at Exteme Makeover Home, laughed my ass off at Desperate Houswives, clutched my pearls at Boston Legal...then watched that sexy ass Idris Elba on The Wire. Good LAWD that man! There's just something about him that makes me want to drive up to Bmore and try to find him, for real. Mmhmmm.

Well, I'm off to do work. I wanted to stay home today but I have a deadline, and I only have to work 2.5 days this week so....I'll suck it up. I'm sure I'll be pissed off by something stupid in the next hour or so. I'm coming to realize that everyone here can do anything and get away with murder, but if I want to do something, it's a problem. I thought they had learned about fugging with me, but I guess I'll have to teach them again. *sigh* The life of a bitch...the fun never ends.

Why Can't We All Just Get Along?

2004-11-17T11:19:00.000-05:00

Every now and then something happens, and the resulting events show you just how grown you are, or just how far you have come in your life....it's only Wednesday, and my week can already be labeled as "crazy".

Act 1, Scene 1...aka Monday:
It started off as a normal day....well, besides the fact that it's 60 degrees the week before Thanksgiving, but hey, who am I to complain? I come to work, I'm doing my thing, minding my own business, then my direct line rings. It's a friend of mine from waaaay back...let's call him "Jeff". I've literally known Jeff since high school, but strictly on a friend level. He actually ended up dating one of my friends in high school, and the two of them have been kicking it, off and on, since then. We're talking YEARS here people. Ok, stay with me. So the friend that he's been seeing since back in the day, let's call her...."Jane". Yeah, not the cutest names but who gives a fugg I'm telling a friggin story here. Now, there is one more character to introduce...this chick that I work with, she's like my little sister, and we hang out all of the time...let's call her "Dana". Ok, now we have all the players. Jeff is the dude from way back, Jane is my girl, my soror, that I'm extra tight with, that has been messing with Jeff all of these years, and Dana is my "lil' sister" that I work with. Great. A little more background....Jane's bday was last month, and she had a big party (remember the story where I almost busted a bitch in the mouth at the club?) to celebrate. I took Dana with me that night, and Jeff was also there, pretty much as Jane's date. He came into town specifically for her that weekend, all up in the bed, all up in the goodies, and was also at the wedding that we attended. Now, back to Monday...basically this nucca calls me out of the blue. How did he get my phone number? From Jane. No problem, we're cool...not a problem. Fine. What did he call me for? To ask about trying to holla at Dana. Yup. You read that right. His triflin ass called my girl, asked her for my number, then called ME, to ask about lil' sis. How fuggin rude, inconsiderate, stupid, asinine, and trifling can you be?? This is wrong on SO many levels! Let me break it down:
1) Jane is my GIRL. Sorority sister, VERY good friend, we've been tight for OVER 10 years. I KNOW you deal with her, date her, f*ck her, whatever you want to call it. I KNOW you two spent two weekends in a row together. I KNOW you two are intimate. Why would you think I'm going to hook you up with my OTHER girl?
2) How the fugg is your triflin ass going to go to Jane for my information, knowing the reason you want it is to holla at someone else?? That's just GRIMY!
3) When I start questioning you on the phone, you say there is "absolutely nothing" going on between you and Jane, all in an effort to get to Dana. Oh, word? Is that how we're doing things now?
4) Even after I express my distaste with the situation, tell you that I will NOT facilitate anything, and that you are DEAD WRONG for doing this, you STILL email me and say "did you tell your girl I think she's hot?"

AAAARRRRGGHHHH! You can't be serious! I ripped him a new asshole! Then, I had to call Jane and tell her that this man that she loves to pieces, aint' shit! She was already wondering why he wanted to talk to me out of the blue, and I damn sure wasn't going to lie to her! This isn't high school...I'm too old for this shit. Can you believe that? That is just downright horrible. He emailed me after all of that happened, and apologized for involving me, because Jane had pretty much cussed him out, and he didn't know why she was "blowing things out of proportion" but he was just going to leave it alone. Then that muhfugga skipped a line and said "but still put in a good word for me with your girl". I couldn't even process that information...I just deleted his email with disgust. Triflin ass niggas.

Act 2, Scene 1...aka Tuesday:
Dana is actually involved in this one too. In a previous post (third paragraph down...here) I mentioned a friend that was in a situation that pretty much wasn't working, but she couldn't see it. Well, the shit hit the fan yesterday. Sprayed it all over her damn face. The sad part is, even after the dude said what he had to say to her, she STILL wanted to talk to him. I will NEVER understand weak women. I can't STAND weak women. I know, everyone goes through there trials and tribulations, they grow, they learn. But some shit is just common sense. Cot Damn. He pretty much said "you know what, I'm done...don't want to communicate...", and she still was trying to explain herself. See, the problem was, she didn't speak up for herself the ENTIRE time they were dealing. If something went down and it bothered her, she would talk to everyone else about it but him...because she was afraid of his reaction. I told her, other people told her, even one of HIS BOYS told her..."grow a backbone, stand up for yourself, speak up". Didn't do it. So yesterday we had to go through all of the tears, all of the emotions, all of the uncertainty (on her part) on whether or not she should respond....for what? Dude has said his piece...she ignored him for 5 days and he didn't like that shit. One of the reasons that she did that was because it has been done to her in the past....but I keep trying to tell people. If you haven't read the instruction manual and don't have any experience, DON'T PLAY THE DAMN GAME! Stop trying to emulate stuff that you've seen other people do and assume it's going to work for you too. It doesn't work like that! Be your own damn person!

Basically she's one of those girls that seeks advice on EVERYTHING. So, of course when all of this stuff started to happen, this was no exception. From day one, I've remained as neutral as possible, because I'm cool with the guy too. I told her over and over "I can't TELL you how to run your relationship, you have to do what's best for YOU, but you HAVE to communicate with him". Welllll...she didn't really take my advice. Age played a part, because she's younger then me, and him. I honestly don't feel she's had enough life experience to deal with someone on his level, and I told him that in the beginning, but he liked her and wanted to try. I don't blame him...she's a great girl, wonderful person, big heart...but it just didn't work. But check this....on their final conversation last night, why did she throw me under the bus? She told him that I told her not to contact him....which led him to say, "well she gave you bad advice". HUH? Basically I guess she couldn't take full responsibility for her actions, because he didn't like them, and she wanted to make it seem like someone told her to do it. Wooooo I was PISSED when I heard that, do you hear me? My name should have not even ENTERED that conversation! I had to get off the phone with her and call him to clarify because I love this guy like a brother and I did NOT WANT him to think less of me. He and I are too close for that. I am NOT happy though...and she's definitely going to get a piece of my mind when she gets to work.

I'm spent...I can't even think about this anymore. It's time for lunch. Thick girl is hongry. Yes, I said hongry.

I'll holla....

The Answers....

2004-11-11T15:31:00.000-05:00

Alrighty, here we go. I have to admit, these were very good questions. Oh, and X...please...no hateration in this dancery.... Ahem....

Claudia Asked:
1. How long have you been bloggin'?
I've been bloggin since July. I'm a baby blogger. X and I started this journey together. Originally we were going to post to the same page, but we ended up both having our own pages. She gives a better explanation on her "answers".... so I'm going to be lazy and do the link thing!

2. Who is your favorite blogger ...*please say me*
See, why you tryna get me in trubble? LOL...I do LOVE reading your blog, but I honestly love reading everyone's. I love reading about people's daily lives, their drama, their adventures...everyone has that special "something". *furrowing brow, hoping the "political" answer worked*

3. Do you blog in the nude? Ever?
Nope...haven't done that one. Undies, yes, nude, no.

Hustleman Asked:
1. What part of MD are you from?
I'm actually not from MD. I'm originally from Hampton, VA. I moved up here because I fell in love with the DC area while visiting friends in college. I live in Laurel now.

2. Do you listen to Go-Go since you're living out this way?
Maaaaan listen.....I LOVE go-go. LOVE IT! I can dance for hours when that shit is on. I know a lot of people don't, and they think it "all sounds the same" but that ain't me. I can usually tell the bands apart because they all have different styles.

3. What is your favorite physical quality in someone?(ex: nice smile, pretty eyes, ect...)
Hmmm....good one. You may think I'm cheating, but I'm going to say the overall body type. I can't narrow it down to one thing. Yeah, I like smiles, eyes, teeth...but I LOVE a tall man with broad shoulders and a little thickness to him. Something to hold onto, ya know?

Grayse Asked:
1. Paper or Plastic? Why?
Plastic....easier to carry man! I remember days of the brown paper bags at the grocery sto'. It's hard as hell to get a grip on a full bag! The plastic bags have the nice little handles all ready for you to slip your hand through.

2. Which one of your senses is most important to you?
This one was tough for me. As a singer and lover of music, I instantly want to say hearing, because without that I'd miss out on a lot. BUT I think my official answer has to be the sense of sight. There are SO many beautiful things in this world....the changing leaves in the fall, my family...not only that, but how could I work? I know...modern technology...there are computers that can talk, and braile books....but it wouldn't be the same!

3. Is there anything you ever gave up on?
Chile yes. I've given up on love so many times it ain't funny. Yeah, I'm only 27, but I've been through some SHIT. I now know that I was just giving my heart to the wrong people, but you couldn't tell me that at the time! I'm honestly still not totally "back"...I'm very cautious, careful, and skeptical....but I'm getting there.

Rhapsody Diva Asked:
1. What is your biggest fear?
Death. Hands down. Sometimes I think about it while trying to drift off to sleep and I have to sit up and literally slap myself in the face. I know....that probably means my spirituality isn't up to par...I definitely need to work on that. The thought of NEVER being here, ever again....forever...it's just chilling to me.

2. What annoys you the most?
STUPID ASS PEOPLE! I hate stupid shit! I have NO tolerance for it!

3. If you can have any man from your past back in your life, who would it be and why?
Wowwwww...you had to go there, huh? This cat named Charlie (shutup X) from college. Ya'll...the sweetest guy on earth. It just wasn't our time. We had so much fun together, he was so respectful, he was supportive...and I had my first REAL Valentine's Day with him. *sniffle* I see him maybe once a year now, and every time I see him I just smile and wonder.... If it was that good in college, how would it be now, as adults? Now that we know what we want out of life, out of a partner? I saw him at the wedding I went to recently, and I just can't help myself around him...I ended up with my arms around him by the second night. I think I can officially call him my first true love...because yes, I still love him. He'll always be that "special" person to me. *sniffle*

Sid Asked:
1. Last time you shut off your TV in disgust, what were you watching?
Fear Factor. They've just gotten so damn GROSS with the shit the contestants have to do! I mean....it was cool at first...but I think as the seasons went on they started running out of ideas. In my opinion, $50K (is it even still that amount?) is not enough for me to chew on some cow nuts and wash it down with dog piss. The announcer, the producers, and the writers would have BEEN cussed out for coming at me with some stupid shit like that.

2. Um, if you had to live on only one food source for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Hmmm....if by source you mean TYPE of food...I'd have to say...chicken. I LOVE chicken. Typical thick black girl from the south. Fry it, bake it, skin it, rotisserie it, broil it, grill it....I'll eat it.

3. And if you had to grow an extra appendage, what would it be?
Ok..before I answer this, let me put out this disclaimer: I am NOT gay, am NOT attracted to women, at all.... I would grow a penis. For a couple of reasons...first off, it's terribly convenient when you have to pee outside. I've mastered the skill, but it takes a lot to pull down some pants, hold them just so, and pop a squat, all while aiming the stream of piss AWAY from your shoes. It's easier with a dress and a thong, but I digress. Secondly, I have ALWAYS wondered what it felt like for men during sex. Does their organ feel like an oversized, less sensitive clitoris? Just how sensitive IS the head? And why does it hurt so much to get kicked in the balls? Hmm...but I guess I wouldn't have the balls...just the penis? Or could I grow it as a package deal? *shrug*

Elle Asked:
1. Long and skinny or short and thick?
DEFINITELY short and thick. Woo chile! Ain't nothin like a little girth! If he can't quite make it to the back, that's ok...we can switch positions and move legs up for that. But he is sure as hell hittin them walls! Long and skinny...it's coming through my stomach, but that's all I feel? AAAAANNNKKKK. Wrong answer!

2. What's a fashion trend you'd like to see return?
Well, it's already started coming back in a bit, but I LOVE argyle. You know, the little sideways diamond...almost marquise cut shapes, if you will? I love those on sweaters and sweater vests. Yup, I said sweater vests. Hold up...lemme change my answer. I LOVED the sweater vest look...you know, a cute vest, with a crisp white button up shirt hanging out from under it with some bootleg jeans? Yeah...I used to ROCK that shit in college.

3. What's your favorite Aesop fable?
The Tortoise and the Hare. It teaches that slow and steady wins the race, but more importantly, never assume or underestimate anyone!

Following The Crowd....

2004-11-06T15:19:00.000-05:00

Everyone else is doing it...why not?

You know the deal...ask me 3 questions, you'll get three answers.

Politics, Appreciation, And Other Shit....

2004-11-06T11:32:00.000-05:00

First off, I have FINALLY updated my page! I have been reading a lot of blogs for a while now, but hadn't done links for folks...my bad. You know, busy...blah blah...working...blah blah...traveling...etc. Yes, I know that "excuses are useless tools..."

A lot has happened this week. Both to me and around me. Of course, the biggest thing is the election. I don't even know what to say about that shit. I'm not happy, but I voted, so what else can I do? I've never been more focused on the state of Ohio in all of my life...LOL. But, it's over, that man won...four more years of fun. Yippee. *dryly twirling finger in the air* I've read countless articles throughout the week. Just reading some of the comments by Bush supporters blows me. I'm wondering if we're all living in the same country, on the same planet?

Work has been crazy this week. Month-end for me is never a game, but this shit is really starting to get on my nerves. I just told somebody yesterday *wink* that I'm honestly getting worried about getting burnt out. At the ripe old age of 27.5 (Yes, I used a decimal...I'm an accountant...piss off) it would have never occurred to me that I'd be thinking about this so early. But it's a growing reality. I try to enjoy life...travel, sing, read, shop, spend time with friends...you know, to make sure I have the proper balance. I don't know though....I'm not going to make it at this pace to 35, let alone 40. Not even healthwise...I'll be in jail! Have we discussed my attitude? One can only be "corporate negro" for so long. I know, it pays the bills, I have to keep it up...but dayum! My mouth is one in a million...unfortunately, it's beginning to come out at work. Just a tad...and only to the "appropriate" people. I'm not going mouthing off to the Regional Vice President, or the Business Manager. I am blessed to have a supervisor and coworkers that feel me...they are definitely on my wave length. I can talk to them without worry of drama. Yes, I know...I have to be careful...believe me...I've been through enough "job drama" in my life to know about trust, and people at work. I'm good. These people use me as outlets as much as I use them. But the ironic thing is, we are all so highly regarded at work that nothing "bad" will ever happen...even if our mouthing gets out. In this area, our department is often called the "dream team"...yeah, our shit is just that tight. The beef is really only about one person. There is one person at my job...and of course, he's a department head, that drives us all CRAZY. Ya'll, this dude takes being anal and micro-managing to new levels I hadn't thought possible. He can blow our whole department by 9am. It doesn't help that we are all doing all of this work and putting in all of this time (oh, and did I mention that I'm SALARY?!) and don't always feel appreciated by him. Yeah. Prime example: I've worked well past 6pm twice this week. I stayed until 7pm on Thursday, and 7:40pm last night. When we went to lunch yesterday, we took right at 1.5 hours. Do you know when we got back, my boss "had" to give us a "talk" because "somebody noticed our lunch length"? Ex-fuggin-scuse me? I've worked damn near 50 hours, if not more, this week, and you're going to come and bitch at me about extra time at LUNCH? You can't be fuggin' serious. THAT is the kind of shit I'm talking about. I believe in give and take...in all relationships, but ESPECIALLY at work. If you've got people staying until 7 and 7:40 at night without complaints, don't you DARE come at us if we take an hour and a half for lunch the next day. And ESPECIALLY if you are using someone else to do your dirty work. He NEVER says anything to us...he always gets our direct boss to do it...then he'll come over to us later on in the day smiling and talking. I canNOT stand a coward ass man. Man the fugg up and say what YOU feel, instead of making other people do your dirty work! What is this, 2nd grade?!?! I was 2.3 milliseconds away from strutting over to his office in my cute lil' dress and 3 inch heels and telling him to go fuck himself.

Ok, I feel a bit better now. Stuff has happened to me on a personal level this week too. While a little too personal to share in this forum, I'll just say this: appreciation and communication are SUCH important things. To me, those two things are so simple to accomplish. Appreciation ties into my previous paragraph...if one doesn't feel appreciated, then they will be hurt, rebellious, and just downright angry. Communication is THE most important thing in life to me....well, you know what I mean. If done correctly it can help avoid misunderstandings, and other negative things that arise out of this thing called life. If not done correctly? It can cause you to question the entirety of a situation, and a person, that you once believed in. Something small, once communicated incorrectly, becomes a mountain, rather than the molehill it should have been. ESPECIALLY when you involve a third party instead of coming directly to the source. That is one of the WORST things you can do. I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I don't seek the comfort of others for advice...because I do...but those others don't EVER go back to the subject and allude to a problem. Are you with me? Think about that for a minute....

It feels good to be in my house on a weekend. I haven't woken up in my bed on a Saturday in a month. My place looks horrible...I'm not even going to lie. I'm definitely going to get my clean on today. I'm also going to visit people that I've been neglecting, due to my crazy schedule. Just an easy weekend...I'm going to try to stay out of the mall. We've already discussed my shopping problem. Hmm...I do want some new jeans though...and Shrek 2 came out on DVD yesterday. That shit is hilarious...I MUST own it. See? No willpower.

I really am going to try to better at blogging. This serves as a much needed outlet for me, and has allowed me to come into contact with people that I may not have met any other way. We're all one big happy, crazy, disfunctional family. Plus I'm tired of X giving me shit. LOL. Now, I'm going to enjoy reading your blogs, leave some comments, pretend to clean for a minute, then go out and play. I've got babies to kiss and hands to shake...

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

2004-11-02T08:14:00.000-05:00

I suck...I know...I promised, and I didn't deliver. My night didn't go as planned last night and I didn't get on the computer. My bad. I almost went to jail at the McDonald's because the stupid mofo tried to get smart with me...I would have been hittin' some of ya'll up for bail money, for real.

X: Yes, I made a spelling error....but I fixed it so piss off. *sweet smile*

Brutha: *wink wink* I sure do...I sent you a private holla yesterday....

Muffin: Chicken George was one of the slaves in The Roots....I know it's been a minute since my trip! Shut up damn u! I've taken more...you know how I roll. I just haven't had time to write on those either....*sigh*

Today is month end...then I have to get my vote on! There's some study that says if the Redskins lose their last home game before the election, the opponent wins. It's apparently rung true since the 1930s. I've never been so excited to see my team lose in my life! And who says a 2-5 record means nothing! Hmph!

I NEED AN ASSISTANT!

2004-11-01T09:19:00.000-05:00

I know, I know...I said I was going to get better. I said I wasn't going to do this, and I did it anyway. Has it really been 2 weeks since my last blog? Good grief! Perhaps if I stopped working like Chicken George during the week, and stayed my ass home on the weekends I could get some rest and some normalcy would return to my life.

I don't even know where to begin. I still haven't done the Hawaii post, and I've been in NY the past 2 weekends helping HIM with the house. I'm staying the fugg home this weekend. I ain't going NOWHERE. How the hell have I been helping other people and my shit looks like Hurricane Isabelle is back and sitting on my bed? It's horrible. I've got to do me this week...well, not like that...you know.

I've missed you guys! I KNOW I'm on X's shit list. I've been trying to keep up with everyone's blogs, but I haven't been doing the comment thing too much...*sigh*. I need another vacation. I'm going to sit down tonight, at home, and do a REAL blog. I promise. I'll try to cover everything that's been going on the past couple of weeks. I may even try to add the Hawaii stuff in there..I have a lot of stuff to say.

Off to work...well, I'm here...but off to do work. Until tonight....

Ice Grillin' In A Wedding Dress

2004-10-18T10:05:00.000-04:00

I'm getting bad at blogging. I'm down to almost once a week now. That's horrible! My week last week was insane because we were finishing up month-end, AND I was trying to prepare to go out of town. I still haven't gone back and written about my trip to Hawaii. My bad...but first...I have GOT to speak about this wedding I went to over the weekend.

We went down there to support the groom. I went to high school with this cat, my cousin is his best friend, and I hung out with them a lot in college because their school was only like 40 minutes from mine. I also met my then-boyfriend through them. Cool...we're all one big happy family. Wonderful. There's just one itsy bitsy problem. The bride doesn't like us. Let me digress for a moment. I went down with a close girlfriend, and met up with my other cousin (one's a guy, one's a girl), and a cool chick from VA that is the girlfriend of another childhood friend. That pretty much was the crew for the weekend. So, when the bride and groom met in college, the bride pretty much decided that she wanted him, and was going to marry him. The groom was out there "doing his thing". I'm not going to go into detail, but rest assured, he was chillin. We were in COLLEGE for Pete's sake! So, she has stalke....woops, I mean, stayed around long enough, and eventually, they began to date, and now, they're married. She decided to stay around, BUT she didn't handle her business. She didn't nip things in the bud...so now, whenever she sees him around ANY female, she turns into the ice princess. Ya'll, we got down there on Thursday night, and she didn't say shit to us ALL WEEKEND. I tried to be the bigger person and speak to her on Saturday night, and she looked at me like I had antennae sprouting from my forehead. Hmph. She made it SO obvious, that all the guys were joking us about it. The groom hugged all of us right after the ceremony, and her face fell like somebody had just walked up and threw blood on her wedding dress. Broad, IT'S YOUR WEDDING DAY. You HAVE him. I will never understand stupid bitches.

Regardless of all of the stupid drama, me and the crew had a BALL. We got our drink on, got our laugh on, and just really enjoyed ourselves. It was definitely what I needed after my crazy week last week. I go to NY this Thursday night so my week is going to be short again. Thank goodness. This work thing is for the birds. I'm not fuggin the right people.

Lata

SIGH

2004-10-12T13:36:00.000-04:00

It's 1:37 and I need a drink.

Weekend Jollies

2004-10-11T08:21:00.000-04:00

I need a gubment job. I'm tired of having to come to work when many of my friends are at home chillin. I enjoy there being no traffic, but damn. I guess it's never going to happen...I love my company and don't plan on going anywhere else for a while. *shrug* Oh well.
There was a big, extravagant company function on Saturday night. Very, very nice. I really enjoyed myself. But peep this...a couple of people from my department weren't there. Are they going to get "talks" and all of that crap that we had to go through last week when we didn't attend an optional event? Probably not. Why? Because, as I'm told, we are the "leaders" and people "expect more of us". Right. Ok. Then how about you pay me to reflect that?
After the company party, we went out for a friend's birthday. Unfortunately, she chose to celebrate it at a club. Ya'll I am SO over the club scene, but I wanted to be a good friend, you know. Plus I don't mind going every now and then, and I hadn't been in a while. So, we got in, got some good seats, and were having a pretty good time...UNTIL...this little chickenhead bitch thought she was going to start some shit with me and my crew. Basically she was dancing in front of where we were sitting, and instead of staying in the 3-4 feet of space she had, she continued to back up into our feet. I shot her a couple of looks, and next thing I know she's up at the front with her fingers turned back to us, talking shit to her Angie Stone reject-looking friend. Then the whole crew wants to turn and look at us. Oh word? Bitches, you don't know me. And the girl that we were celebrating for is as crazy, if not crazier, then me. We are two of the WRONG ones to be fuggin with on a normal day, let alone in a club environment with alcohol involved. I mouthed "is there a problem" to the little girl, and she tried to ice grill me ya'll! I looked around to see who the hell she thought she was looking at. There was a candle to my right, and to my left...little did she know she was about to have a little "wax problem". In the end, after me and my girl got up so they could fully assess the situation (we're thick girls, they weren't) they walked away. That's what I though. Stupid bitch. I'm not even going to get into the wack ass nucca that gave me a lap dance because I wouldn't dance with him. I'll spare you the details.
Do you know, those people upstairs had the nerve to come ring my doorbell AGAIN last night? Let me set it up for you. I had a nice evening...talked to HIM, windows and doors open, enjoying the fall breeze. The thumping and bumping from those damn kids upstairs started to get on my nerves, so when I started making dinner, I decided to turn on some music. So, I go get the wonderful CD that I've been straight KILLIN the past week. Jon B. Love the new one. Anyhoo, turned my music on, phone rang, started talking to a friend from college...just chillin. *ding dong* I stopped...and thought to myself, "it BETTER NOT be ANYONE from upstairs". I grab a robe, go down the stairs with the phone to my ear, and open the door. It's some dude I've never seen before, but sure enough, he's from upstairs. The convo went like this:

Him: Uh, hi...we're trying to put my daughter to sleep and she just went...can you turn your music down just a little? *holding forefinger and thumb slightly apart*

Me: You've got to be fuggin kiddin me. Are you serious? One of the reasons I turned my music ON is because of all the noise and thumping that was coming from up there.

Him: *still smiling, but beginning to look stupid* Oh, well yeah, she just went to sleep, and there are kids up there, that's probably why you hear stuff.

Me: You guys thump all day EVERY day...I can't believe you're ringing my doorbell right now. And that bitch that lives up there came down here with an attitude the last time, talking about "we're not loud"? Bullshit. You guys are VERY loud, and I did NOT appreciate her attitude. Saying that you have kids is NOT an excuse. Teach your damn kids not to run in the house, ESPECIALLY when you know you are disturbing the people under you. I canNOT fuggin believe you are even standing here right now. Keep your little fingers off of my damn doorbell until you properly train those 17 kids you have up there.

*SLAM*

Yeah, I slammed the door in his face. My girl on the phone was DYING. I probably said more stuff in the heat of the moment, but that's all I can remember right now. They have lost their fuggin minds. They are messing with the WRONG one. They don't want me to start a letter writing campaign to get them and their 50 kids out of there. I've talked to other people in the building, and I'm not the only one they disturb. The older boy runs up and down the stairs, in and out of the front door as much as he pleases. I'm 2 seconds away from contacting the condo association. Who do you think they'll listen to...the 5 units that OWN in the building, or the 1 unit that RENTS and is causing all the drama?

You know what?

2004-10-07T16:38:00.000-04:00

I've been gone for a MINUTE. I know, I know. You know how work is after you leave it for a week. Not only did I have to play catch-up, it's now end-of-month, so I'm SLAMMED. I'm going to do the Hawaii blog, I really am..but right now I just need to get this off of my chest, because I'm still at work.

On the real, I am SICK and tired of office politics. I'm just venting, because I know they exist everywhere, and I'll never escape them, but DAMN. A group of us are getting "reprimanded" and told that people are "dissapointed in us" because we didn't go to an OPTIONAL, AFTER-WORK function. Are you fuggin kidding me? One of us was even told that if any of us put in for a newly posted position that would be a promotion, that "they don't know if we would be supported by the regional VP now because we didn't go and he's dissapointed that he didn't see us there". Ya'll, I'm already tired, I have cramps, and I'm busy as hell. This shit right here is enough to push me over the edge. You mean to tell me that what I do from 8AM TO 6PM means NOTHING? Ok, bet. How about this....I'll stop coming to work, and just start showing up to all of the "optional" after-work events. Then I'll make all of the contacts I need and get promoted faster, right? I'm so PISSED right now I don't know what to do. There are three of us that are supposed to get this "talk", and I cannot WAIT for my turn. I'm going to go OFF. See, I'm the "leader" of the pack. Supposedly the other girls I'm cool with do what I say. So, since I had the cramps from HELL yesterday and didn't feel up to going, they didn't go either...but I guess only because I wasn't going? Ok. Whatever the case, the shit was optional. Get the fugg over it. When I get "talks", they usually don't say the same stuff to me, because they know I'm the one with the mouth. I DARE someone to sit me down and tell me that they are dissapointed in me and I might not be promoted because I didn't go to an Italian restaurant and drink wine and eat pasta for 2 hours. Fuck you. It is NOT going to be pretty if that happens...hopefully, it won't. None of this came from my supervisor. He's mad cool, and would NEVER say some stupid shit like that. This came from someone higher up in the food chain.

Ok, I'm going back to work now. Not to DO work...I'll plan a happy hour or something, because that seems to be the MORE important thing to SOME people around here.

I'm baaaaaaaaaaack

2004-09-28T08:37:00.000-04:00

It is I, back from wonderful, beautiful Hawaii. *sigh* It's so pretty there I can't even describe it. Well, actually I can, but not right now. I took my dad to the 'Skins game last night for his bday, so I'm not very awake right now. I'll write in more detail later.

By the way...had a nice weekend with HIM when I got back. There's been a request thrown out on the table. Cohabitation, family togetherness, official couple status. Of course that will require a move on my part. More on that later too...right now I'm 'bout to make love to a cup of strong coffee...stay tuned....

I'm Off!!!

2004-09-18T06:20:00.000-04:00

Well folks, this is it. I'm officially on my way to Hawaii. We're in Newark, and our flight leaves in a couple of hours. That damn Muffin has been missing in action, so I couldn't get any pointers from her. Oh well. We've done all of our internet research, we have our coupon books, our maps and booklets from AAA...oh yeah, we're prepared. I even have my sleeping pills 'cause a sista is NOT thrilled about 12 hours worth of airplane rides. I guess this is it for the week. *sniff* Try to going on without me. I know, I know...it'll be hard. But, I'm sure the crew (X, Epitomi, Ms Thing, Rendezvous...just to name a few) will hold it down while I'm gone.

Until then....

HOLLAAAAAAAAAAA I'M GOING TO HAWAII MUHFUGGAAASSS!!!

Allow Me To Reintroduce Myself

2004-09-16T10:17:00.000-04:00

Ok. I realize my last post was angry. Very angry. I was having one of those days, and I just snapped when I had a certain conversation. I'm not beefing with anyone, and now HE and I are on the same page. After our good weekend the other weekend, he assumed that I was ready to jump back in with both feet. Not the case. Slow and steady wins the race, and there's a lot of ground to make up. We are simply going to enjoy spending time together, and if we determine at a later date that we want to make it official, we'll make that decision. In the meantime we are both enjoying what we're doing.

Now, along those lines, we, with another couple, decided to meet in PA (that's Pennsylvania for those of you that are on "that" bus) last night for the evening. A good time was had by all. Here is the reason for this blog: I think I have FINALLY discovered what will make me a morning person! Let me digress for a bit....I am SO not a morning person, it ain't even funny. When my alarm goes off, I try to kill it. I snooze forever, I always end up scrambling, and I am late to work sometimes. Ok, a lot. I HATE getting up in the morning, I HATE morning people, I HATE hearing "good morning!" in that chipper "morning people" voice, I HATE it when people call me in the morning while I'm scrambling and actually try to have a conversation. Even my mother can't get more than a few grunts out of me if she calls. So, back to the present. After last night, and this morning, I've found the remedy. It's not coffee, not pills, not food, not even a good night's rest. Simply put, it's d*ck. I've been up since 4ish, drove 2 hours and came straight to work, and I am HAPPY,do you hear me? I was actually PLEASANT this morning. I had X DYING this morning telling her about my realization. It's so true though! I'm dead ass right now. If I could wake up every morning and roll over to some wood, I KNOW my days would start a lot better. I'm as bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as Peter Cottontail right now. If HE and I do ever jump back on track and do the cohab thing, I'm going to be a changed woman!

******DISCLAIMER******
I realize the topic got kind of rough at the end. Hopefully I didn't offend anyone, but if I did....piss off. This is MY blog damn you!

Real Quick...

2004-09-14T08:39:00.000-04:00

MEN ARE STUPID! Why do they ALWAYS assume, that no matter WHAT the circumstances, the woman wants a relationship??? Have we really screwed ourselves that much so that they think we're mindless creatures? Give me a fuggin break! GRRR!!! I am a positive, intelligent, savvy, witty, GROWN ASS WOMAN! I have enough sense to know what is good and bad for me, no matter HOW MUCH I love you! Period! What, I love you, so it doesn't matter that your ex is crazy and making your life hell, let's get together! It doesn't matter that things have been fugged up between us for MONTHS! Let's get together! Hey, we had ONE GOOD WEEKEND together versus 6 troubling months, but fugg it, let's get together! It's not that serious! Do I love you? Yes. Do I want you? Of course...but I'M NOT A STUPID ASS TEENAGER! I have enough sense to NOT do things that AREN'T good for me! Men are always so quick to say that women read into shit. Well who's doing it now MAN?? Cot dayum!

*SLAM*

CRAZY STUPID ASS WOMEN!!

2004-09-08T20:39:00.000-04:00

First off....HAPPY BIRTHDAY EPITOMI!!!!

Ok, I feel as though my life is slowly spiraling out of control. It's end-of-month time at work, I haven't been blogging, people are acting CRAZY, and I'm ready for my vacation damnit!!

Real quick...the whole thing about my girl being in my house while I was gone? It was a medical emergency. She'll be having surgery next week because of her problem. So, of course I now feel like Super Bitch for all of the ranting and raving I did..but hey, I didn't know damnit! All I knew was that somebody had been up in hurrr!

I still don't feel like typing out all of the stuff that went down over the weekend with HIM. Just know that it was very good, he stepped his game up, and he's headed in the right direction. I was reminded of how well we vibe, and why I fell in love with him in the first place. I'm not jumping back to the "ok, everything is perfect again" side, but it was a start, and we have to crawl before we walk.

BUT, in true "my life" fashion, we hit a bit of a road block today. I had a message on my voice mail (on my WORK phone) that I listened to yesterday that was actually from last week. For some reason, I didn't get it until yesterday. Anyway, it was some chick calling me some kind of bitch, then hanging up. Now, I didn't think much of it, because #1 I am a bitch, and #2 Sometimes my girls call me that in passing. It wasn't until this morning that I was on the phone with HIM that it all clicked. Lemme back up. HE has a CRAZY ex. I would put her name out on blast so that she can come see me, but I'll digress, for now. Anyway, this crazy ex still wants him, it's over between them, and she's now taken to linking her email account to his, so that any message that he gets to that particular account, she gets. Well, she got my info like that, and the bitch called me. That's who was on my voicemail. It was further confirmed when I sent him ANOTHER message, and she sent him a text message telling HIM that "THEY just got an email from ME". The bitch is off her rocker. So, I got excited. I was waiting for her to email/call me, because she knows who I am...she's seen me all up on his video camera from our vacation last year...oh...sorry...I didn't mention she snoops through his shit? Ya'll...I want to draw her out. Of course, HE and his boys (that I'm close with) are all saying "don't stoop to her level". Fugg that! She wants to start some shit, I can definitely finish it! I can have a crew together and be en route in less then 30 minutes! I got in HIS ass a little today too, because had he nipped that whole situation in the bud CORRECTLY, this wouldn't be happening. But it's cool. I can DEFINITELY handle mine. If she chooses to reach out again, I just hope she's ready...."This is the Diary of Rhapsodi...you think you know, but you have NO idea".....

NOT HAPPY!

2004-09-06T16:09:00.000-04:00

Ok, we're going to make this REALLY quick today. I just got back from a wonderful weekend in NY with family...and yes, HIM. HE and I had a good time, did some good talking, spent some good time together. But, more on that later because there is a more pressing issue at hand, and I need a nap.

I return home today to find that somebody has been in my home while I was out of town. Nobody broke in, but somebody used the key they were given for "just in case" situations and chose to take advantage of the fact that I was in NY and didn't even ASK ME FIRST when I spoke to that person over the weekend. I am pissed right now. I'm not happy at all. I really don't feel like going into the whole thing right now, but just know this....this person is like family to me, and this past week went through a VERY major thing that left her on an emotional rollercoaster. I gave her my key to get a copy made (I was going to give her and her parents a copy anyway...her parents are like my second parents), and told her to come here to my place and that I would be home from work shortly. In instances like that, I don't mind. I'm offering, I know about it, I'll be home in a little while. Not that I am worried about theft or anything like that...I'm just funny like that. Anyhoo, I come back in here today on cloud nine, and wonder why my bathroom has been used (I NEVER leave the toilet seat up), why my soap is in the guest bathroom...and a shower was taken, why the BEDSPREAD on MY BED IS SIDEWAYS, why is there a Pepsi in my fridge when I don't buy 2 liters? So, I called, and said "where you in my house this weekend?" The answer: yeah, I'm came past there. I said "why, what was going on?" The answer: Oh, I was having some personal issues.

NOT COOL. I talked to you on Saturday and you couldn't mention that you were in/were going to my fuggin house? Are you kidding me? This is not my apartment...this is my HOME. I OWN this shit. I do NOT want people in and out when I am out of town for the weekend, unless I forget something and ASK you to go over there. Not only that, she lives with her parents and her son, so she doesn't have her space. When I am out of town, my house is NOT your personal space. This is not a resort you can escape to, this is not party central to be having people, your n*ggas, whomever, over. I just feel really strong about that...I feel angry, disappointed, put off, and almost disrespected. And when the fugg were you going to tell me? Would you have told me if I hadn't figured it out? I may be REALLY tripping right now...when I lost my job a few years back and didn't have anywhere to go, her family took me in. Because of that, I feel bad for having these feelings....I don't know...I'm going to sleep now...I'm going to dream about HIM and flash back to this weekend. Maybe I'll feel better when I wake up. Lata....

Don't Go There!!

2004-09-01T11:09:00.000-04:00

I live in a cute, interestingly built condo. There are three floors of condos, but only two sets of doors when you walk in the main door. All of us have stairs in our units. So, my door is on the main level, but I have stairs that go up, so I am on the second floor. They guy next to me has stairs that go down, so he is on the bottom floor. It's really neat...there are only 2 units per floor. The unit above me is owned by a really nice girl, but she moved back to LA and rented it out the week after I move. The people living there now used to be next to me, but when she moved, the moved up to rent her place. The guy is a cop, the girl seems to be at home a lot, so I don't know what she does. They have at least 2 kids...a boy of about 7, and a baby that may be a little over 1. The girl is pregnant again too. Yesterday I saw them with another baby, and it looks like she's pregnant again. Now, you have the background.

One thing I love about my building is that we all SEEMED friendly, and we all stayed out of the other's way. When I first moved in, I could hear music/TV from all over, so I was pleased that everyone had surround sound, because that means that nobody will be complaining. When the LF (I'll tell you what that means in a sec, just stay with me here) lived next door to me, they made quite a bit of noise. I could definitely tell they had children. But, it didn't bother me enough to go knock on the door, because I know I play my music/watch movies loud sometimes too. My subwoofer sits right on the wall that separates us. So, after LF moved upstairs, the thumping began. Now, when the other chick lived up there, I could here her walking around, but now that LF is up there...good grief. LF stands for LOUD FAMILY. They are crazy! They let those kids run all over the fuggin house! Running, jumping, bouncing basketballs, dropping stuff and letting it roll...somebody even fell out of bed one morning at 5:45am and woke me up. The noises are so loud sometimes that I can hear them OVER my music, and they still make me jump in surprise. And let's not talk about how sometimes the thumps shake my house. Yeah, it's that serious. But, again, I haven't complained, because I knew my shit wasn't always in check, you know? Somebody did complain, because one day when they were playing music, a cop knocked on my door and asked me if it was bothering me. I said no, not really.

So, one weekend, I'm cooking and cleaning, jamming to something, and my doorbell rings. It's ol' girl from LF. "Umm, hi..can you turn that down?" 'Scuse me bitch? You did not just walk your LF livin' ass down the stairs and ring my doorbell did you? I screwed my face up and said to her "umm, you guys are VERY loud too". She says "that's not us, that was the girl before us, we're not loud but we do have kids." I said "no, you used to live next to me, and I could hear you through the wall then too...I know you have kids because I can hear them." Then she says "also, in the morning, when you play your music at 7:15 can you turn that down to?" I don't remember what else was said at that point, because I was too busy stepping back so that I could slam the door. I mentioned her man is a cop right? Do you know not 5 minutes later there was a cop (not him) at my door telling me to turn my music down? You called THE COPS ON ME? Have you lost your fuggin mind? This isn't high school, this isn't college. If I come home and want some music to soothe my soul while I light my candles in the condo that I OWN AND PAY THE MORTGAGE ON and it's still a reasonable time of day because it's still DAYLIGHT OUTSIDE then hot damn I'm going to listen to it at the volume that I please! But wait...that's not even the worst!

Of course, the noise and thumping continues. A couple of times I've had friends over and they've recoiled at how loud it is, and says "and they were the ones that complained about YOU?". Right. So, yesterday I go home, put in sista Jill Words & Sounds Volume 2 and I'm grooving. I go back to the guest room and get on the computer. Now, the guest room faces the front, and has a window that has a tiny leak in it. Because of the leak, I can hear outside pretty clearly. So, one Jill song goes off, and another is about to come on. During that silence, I hear a man say "Her fat ass needs to turn that music down". Yup. You read right. I ran to the window, and it was LF in all their glory. They said that about me. Can you believe that? My feelings were hurt for about 1.3 seconds...I'm a size 16 damnit...I'm not fat. But I digress.... I can't WAIT to see them in passing. I'm going to say something like "the next time you comment on my 'fat ass' and the volume of my music make sure my window is closed you dumbass." As loud as they are, they have the nerve to be talking shit about me? Whatever. I turned my music up after that. They don't want me to get ugly. I could say a lot of shit...like "how about you buy some condoms and stop stuffing all of those kids in a 2 bedroom", or "how about you stop sweating the OWNER and stop RENTING and buy a house with a YARD for them runnin' ass kids". Don't get me started....

GRRRRR!!!

2004-08-30T08:45:00.000-04:00

I am having the morning from HELL!! I got up at 5:15 this morning to do my hair for my dinner with HIM. Those that know me know this is monumental because I am NOT a morning person, an I usually don't get up until around 7:00. I was watching the VMA's last night, so I didn't do my hair...but I digress. So, I got up, got in the shower, washed it, conditioned it, got out, lotioned up, put a shirt on and POW....the fugging power goes off. Yup. I said a string of curse words that would have made a sailor, truck driver and a gansta rapper blush. I was HEATED. I sat there for like 15 minutes, and when I realized I had wasted enough time (by now it was 6:30) I called my girl and went over her house. SO, I had to BLOW DRY my hair (I usually roller set it and sit under a dryer...it's pretty long), then use a CURLING IRON. My hair is getting thicker because it's almost relaxer time, but I'm not getting one because I'm getting my hair braided for Hawaii...I digress again. So, I finished with my hair, and I HATE IT. It's poofy and pretty straight. My girl said she likes it, which made me promptly tell her to piss off. Then I rushed back home, threw some clothes on, ran back out, sat in traffic, and now, here I am. Great.

I'm telling you right now....if for ANY reason (besides his son being ill) that nucca (HIM) cancels this dinner...ya'll....WHEW! I'm going to lose it. I promise. He's going to hate me, and I'm going to make sure of it. I'm in SUCH a foul mood right now.

AND WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MY BLOG?? WHY IS THE RIGHT SIDE ALL JACKED UP? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M IN THE MOOD FOR THIS SHIT???

*SLAM*
**********************************************

Update at 9:51am
He canceled.

**********************************************
Update at 2:19pm
Ok, now that the day is almost over, and I have some good food in my stomach (Chipotle), let me expound a bit. I realized after reading X's comments it sounds like he just callously called, said "Fugg you bitch I ain't comin'" and slammed down the phone. That's not how it happened. I knew last week that he has some kind of stomach virus. He's been running to the bathroom all day, every day, and in true man fashion has not taken any medicine, nor has he gone to the doctor (but he's going tonight). I also knew last week that his son had a fever on Friday. Oh, did I mention that he was driving down from New York? I think I forgot to mention that. So, he was concerned about being in the car for 3+ hours with no potty. Even my friggin' mom stood up for him ("If the man is sick he doesn't want to be in the car for all of that time sweetie"). So, after he told me he wasn't coming, I responded rather shortly to him, he asked me to call him, and I declined. He spoke to my cousin, and found out what I had gone through this morning, and has contacted me again saying that he now knows how my morning was, and that he was sorry but he really doesn' t feel well, he's going to the doctor tonight, and he'll make it up to me. There. You've now been properly updated. As you were....

N*GGA PLEEZ

2004-08-27T10:18:00.000-04:00

Remember, I was telling you that I met DUDE on Tuesday, right? Well, I wasn't feeling him, but I decided not to be the humungous, snooty b*tch that I am thought to be, and told myself that I could at least continue a friendship with this guy. He was no HIM, but I could at least gain a new friend, right? WRONG. Lemme give you some background on my week: met DUDE Tuesday, Wednesday went out for a few drinks and came home stone drunk and went to bed at 7:30, Thursday (yesterday) had a job awards dinner to attend, didn't get out until 8:15. You with me? Good. So, I leave my awards dinner last night and I have a voicemail. It's DUDE. The message basically said "Hey Tiff, it's *DUDE*. I'm just calling you back after our meeting from the other day. I haven't heard from you, so I guess you're not interested. And, I guess neither am I, and this WILL be my last call. So, that's it...give me a call back if you want. Goodbye." W T F?!?!?!?!?!? You've GOT to be fucking kidding me!?!?! Instantly I wanted to call him back and give him a piece of my mind. But, I calmed down, and realized that this was just another "male ego" thing, and I guess he felt like "more of a man" by doing that, because "he had the last word". Nucca fuck you! That' s what I wanted to say. Yeah, I wasn' t feeling him, but I was going to continue the conversations at least on a friendship level. But here's my beef:

If I WERE still interested, I wouldn't be after that ignorant, asinine message!
We didn't talk every day anyway, so what's the big damn deal?
I have had a crazy week (please reference aforementioned background) and hadn't had time to call.
Are your fingers broke? Did you ring my damn phone?
Don't try to bitch out by saying you're not interested because you haven't heard from ME. Man the fuck up and say what you mean and mean what you say!

Ok, I think those are the beefs. Needless to say, after deleting the message, I deleted his info from my phone. And that's all I have to say about that.

I talked to HIM for the second day in a row. Did I mention that he's coming down for dinner on Monday? *whistling while twirling hair* He claims his head is on straight now. I didn't comment, nor did I jump up and say "what's up with us" like I really wanted to. Conversations have been cool...with both of us adding our little "smart" comments. IF he comes, it's going to be very interesting. I'm not going to get excited, because I don't want to be disappointed if we have to cancel. I'm just going to play it cool and act nonchalant, and when he gets there, open the door with my long hair cascading down my back (he likes long hair and has never seen it this length), my nice outfit that exposes "just enough" of the twins (haven't figured out what I'm wearing yet) and my "uniform" 3.5 inch heels that will accentuate my big pretty legs. *sigh* I love being a woman. Of course I will have an innocent, nonchalant look on my face but I will be jumping up and down on the inside because I LOVE THIS MAN. I really do. I can see us having a very "interesting" talk over dinner and with the courage of drinks in our system. He's not used to me "switching roles". Since all of the "stuff" went down, I've fallen back and become the reactor. He's having to put forth all of the effort, and in my opinion, that's how it should be right now. I've given my all, and he gave too, but now, we're at the place we are because of his past, so I feel that he should be the main one trying to build it back up. So, dinner will be fun....that is, if it happens...I'll keep you posted.

P.S. My horoscope for the past two days:

Yesterday: Expect a blast from the past, via a call from an old friend, an ex or someone who's been too faraway from you for much too long. Don't be scared. You're ready to see them now.

Today: Someone's waiting patiently for you to get closer. They're sitting there like the Buddha -- get on over there and get things started. You'll be all fired up afterward.

*sigh*

Luv don't live here....well, except for one...or two...

2004-08-25T09:28:00.000-04:00

I met DUDE yesterday. Not feeling it. At all. It's funny...he looked like his picture, but then he didn't. Whatever the case, it wasn't for me. We have had some great conversations, and if he is telling the truth about everything he is a nice guy, but I can't be with someone I'm not physically attracted to. Not saying our next stop after meeting yesterday was going to be the wedding chapel, but still. We can continue to talk, and maybe even hang out, but it won't go any further. A couple of people asked me if was going to at least "try it". What is there to try? There is NO SPARK. I didn't get butterflies or quiver when I saw him. Plus I think he told a little white lie on the way to the meeting point yesterday, and that irritated me. So, I'm officially done with the internet-dating thing. Yesterday made me realize that I'm more of a "traditional" girl. I don't like the forced dating thing....meeting someone through a profile, the pressure of not having met them, trying to set up a first meeting, having expectations for physical attributes, wondering if what they are telling you about themselves is true....I can't deal with that shit. I'd rather bump into somebody at the grocery store, or a cookout, or something like that. Yes, before you say it, I know that you can meet someone traditionally and they can still lie about themselves, but it's just different. You may think I'm crazy, but it is....to me.

So, maybe my mind wasn't right anyway yesterday because I got a message from HIM. He heard I fell in Boston (what, is that shit on the billboard in Times Square?) and wanted to know if I was ok. It was slightly monumental, because even though we have been saying "hello" to each other daily via 2way, yesterday was the first time in a while he said more than just "hello". He's best friends with my cousin, so he got the news that way. Anyhoo, I went back and forth with HIM briefly...just asking how he was. He said better...I'm glad to hear it. Too much stress for a big-hearted guy, which was causing him to do things that he shouldn't have been. But we'll get into all of that later. Why did I start this line of thought....oh yes. My mind was on HIM for the rest of the day anyway, and what do you do when you meet somebody new and you still love somebody old? You compare. That's another problem. DUDE was not HIM. I know, that's obvious, and nobody will ever be HIM but HIM, but I couldn't help it. I'm not over HIM, there is no closure, and I know HE still has feelings for me, just like I do for him. There is a slight chance that things could work out. With all of that being said, one of the reasons that I went on Match was to try to meet new people to take my mind off of HIM. But, I don't want to do that anymore. I'd rather just be alone right now. Yes, every now and then I have a weak moment...X can testify to that...but I'm comfortable enough in my life to be alone. I'm an only child, I'm used to being alone. Yeah, there are guys that I could call, and I'm not going to sit on my "high and mighty" throne and say that I don't think about it. Hell, maybe I will...I even have "naughty" thoughts about somebody I have NO BUSINESS thinking about. Woo...that's another story too. Then there's the ex (GREAT guy, but we were too young) that I'll see in a few months at a WEDDING of all things....*sigh* Sorry...don't you hate it when people do that? My bad.

Anyhoo, as X is constantly reminding me ("girl you have a great career, great friends, your own home, and your health"), I have too many positives in my life to remain down about love. Real love that is...I'm still a man-crazy, flirty bombshell. And damnit I'm cute! *toot toot* I like me!But watch out world...when I get in my "fuck men/leave me alone" stages, I'm more dangerous. *shrug* Oh well. Hey, did I mention.....I'M GOING TO HAWAII IN 24 DAYS! Lawd I need a vacation!!! Sorry....just a small break in the programming. Ok...I guess I'll start doing some work now..*sigh* somebody PLEASE hit the lottery and break me off a piece? Lata....

Baahstaan, Bruisin, and Damn Computers!

2004-08-24T14:29:00.000-04:00

Daggone it I typed a whole freakin' blog then my computer started acting weird. I was talking about my trip to Boston and how I fell and busted my ass on some stairs. It had just the right amount of humor and everything *sniff*. Now it's gone, and I don't feel like typing it all over again. Damnit. Here are the main points:

I went to Boston to see a close friend from college.
I fell down some stairs in the rain wearing flip flops (because it was raining!!!).
I have a huge bruise and a tiny cut, but I'm ok...just sore as hell!
We walked a lot, ate, shopped, and slept...hmm...just like college.
We went to Cheers on Sunday before I left and I ate like a hog.

That pretty much sums it up...rassin' frassin computer...*muttering like Mutley*

Our New Venture at Writing....

2004-08-17T18:49:00.000-04:00

Everyone has guy problems. Hell, even guys have guy problems. When you have one of these aforementioned problems, what happens? All of your friends/family rally around you to lift your spirits, and say "appropriate" things. That's all nice and gay, but sometimes you don't WANT to HEAR all of that shit! Sometimes, you just want to be left the fug alone. I was discussing this with my girl/soror/sisterfriend X one day, and we decided that we should write a book about this very topic. She had just finish giving me advice on HIM, and I responded with "blah blah blah" or some other educated response. I then said that we should write a book called "The Annoying Shit People Say To You When You're Down & Don't Want To Hear It". She agreed, and off we went! Well....fortunately, you won't have to wait for the book to be published to have an idea of the type of guidance we will offer (LOL...I crack myself up sometimes). Here, is the official "World Premier" *DJ Clue voice echoes in background* of our things that people say, when you really wish they would just shut the hell up after you've been screwed, dumped, fugged over, cheated on, abused, crushed, pimped, impregnated, or left by that special someone:

Look on the bright side....
You're healthy, not homeless, beautiful, and funny....
Things could always be worse.
Keep your head up, it will pass.
We all go through things...as a matter of fact, I {insert story here}.
You have to love yourself before you can love someone else.
You'll meet him when you least expect it...when you're not looking.
I've been there...I wasn't looking and look at me now.
Everything happens for a reason.
When you meet him, you'll know.
Maybe this will be good for you.
One day, you'll look back on this and laugh.
Why don't you just take some time for yourself.
Maybe you should just be by yourself for awhile.
You don't need a man to validate you.
In the end, it's your life.
Maybe it's you.
At least he was man enough to tell you!
You're still young!
Just keep busy and concentrate on other things.
Do you see a pattern?
Do you ever ask yourself why you're in this situation?
Just pray on it.
Come on out with me and {insert husband, boyfriend, sig other, etc's name here}.
Stop being so down, you have to think positive (minus the "ly" that is grammatically required).
You must be sending off some type of signals, even if not verbally.
I think you should just leave it/him alone, but it's your life.
I'll introduce you to {insert any male within 20 mile radius).
What exactly are you looking for, anyway?
He/It wasn't worth your time anyway.
You're such a pretty girl...{insert disbelief because of physical attributes here}.
I don't understand why you're settling.
Is the d*ck THAT good?
Girl, you're better than me because I wouldn't tolerate that...(usually said after she has a new man and conveniently forgets her ex-man who used to whip her ass and cheat on her at will...in some rare cases, this is actually said WHILE being with the ass whipper/cheater).
Girl being in a relationship is not that important...you need to concentrate on yourself (usually followed by, "girl let me go cuz my husband's home and he's taking me out to dinner to celebrate the first time he held my hand. He's so romantic. Cheer up girl, bye!").

There you have it...your official sneak preview. We're serious about this book damnit...maybe we should have this copywritten....hmm. We'll probably group the topics together and expound on them in chapters. Yeah, that's it. Well that's it...I look forward to your comments on this one! Lata....

I'm not worthy!!!

2004-08-15T10:07:00.000-04:00

I witnessed the most humbling and outstanding show of talent on Friday, that I'm still a tad bit emotional about it today. On Friday, I saw Prince in concert. MY GOD!! I've never seen him before. For years I've said that Sade's "Lover's Rock" tour was the best concert I had ever seen. This easily knocked her out of the top spot. He was simply unbelievable. It may sound weird, but I didn't even feel worthy enough to be there witnessing that magic! It's really hard to explain...if he's coming to your city and there are still tickets left, GO!

I have a baby shower to attend today..and I still don't have the gift. Triflin' right? Luckily, I live right down the street from Tarjay and that's where the mommy is registered. My plan was to get up early and clean my house, wash clothes, etc before I left. Wellll....the morning's almost over and I haven't done a damn thing yet. *sigh* Why can't I just get up and do it? *shrug* I couldn't tell ya. I have to wash because I'm going out of town next weekend and I'll be packing NOTHING because a lot of stuff is dirty! Speaking of traveling...whew...these next few months are going to hit me in the pockets, for real. I have Boston next weekend, Hawaii next month (Muffin I'm definitely going to holla), and a wedding in Florida in October. I need a second job! It'll all be worth it though. I've never been to Boston, and one of my best friends from college is up there. Hawaii...that's my vacation and I'm in need BADLY for that trip! Florida will be great because I just went to Miami for the first time over Memorial Day, and I'll be only an hour away for the wedding. Roadtrip!!!

So about new dude...let's call him...uhh....hey, DUDE works for me. Don't want to get him confused with HIM (who I haven't spoken to in 2 weeks...I'm so proud of myself). So, DUDE and I ended up not seeing each other at all. After the lunch fiasco went South, I told him I would meet him at the Metro station for a quick hello, face to face. Welll...Bonnie had other plans. Hurricane Bonnie, that is. She came through, or her remnants, rather, right when we were about to meet. So, he called me and told me to postpone, and that he would call me later. So, fast forward. He calls me that night, and told me that he completely understood why I made the decision that I made (to not pick him up). He admitted that he was offended, but that if he had a sister or daughter he would want her to do the same thing. The more he thought about it, the more he realized I had done right. And, he said he was impressed because not only did I have book smarts, I have street smarts. Mmhmm. I've come to this conclusion....either this dude has mad game and is a good liar, or he's the catch of a lifetime. His job is good, he dabbles in music on the side and has dropped some impressive names (remember, I sing), he seems to be a gentleman, he's attractive, and he knows how to hold a conversation. We shall see...if it is game, I'm not the one! Lata...

Bullet Points....

2004-08-12T14:37:00.000-04:00

Ok, I'm *using fingers as quotes* "working" so we'll make this quick:

I'm going to Hawaii! We make our big ol' payment tomorrow! I'm so excited! We'll discuss that more later.
I'm the best daughter in the world...I took my "virginal" tour of Ebay and decided to try to surprise my daddy with football tickets for his birthday! I've lived in the DC area for 5 years, and I've been telling him we would go...just hadn't made it happen. Well.....*drumroll*....I am now the proud owner of two tickets to the Monday night Dallas/Redskins game! I am so excited! So is he....he was so excited he dropped the phone and my mom had to finish the conversation. I'm an only child, but I LOVE sports....she told me I've made him the happiest man in VA, and I'm the son he never had. *sniff* Hand me a tissue Tito.
Ok, so I ventured into the world of internet matchmaking. Shut up. Just thought I would try it for a month to see what happens. Met a guy, exchanged pics (VERY attractive), and we've had some REALLY good conversations....we were supposed to meet for lunch today. So I call him to coordinate the time and location, and long story short, he wanted me to come get him? *sigh* He's divorced, and basically got taken to the cleaners, lost his job (but he's working again now) and everything. So he's slowly getting back on his feet...ex-wifey took the car and everything. I don't have a problem with that. I'm supportive...I have big shoulders. But coming to get you after 2 conversations? That's just not smart. He was a little offended, but hey, I have to use my head. I'm a single woman living in a metropolitan area. Anyhoo, I'm going to meet him at the train station before his class (grad school). We'll see what happens. I got up early to do my hair, makeup, put on a new outfit, shoes, handbag...the whole nine. He's going to see this chick today!
I'm going to see Prince tomorrow. That should be a good show...even though I've heard that now due to religious reasons he won't do ALL of his old stuff. Does that mean no "Erotic City"? Damnit I LOVE that song!

I think that's it for now...I just needed to get that stuff off of my chest. This is pretty much our last week of Fiscal Year End stuff...thank goodness. I thought I was going to do bodily harm to some folks up in here this week. Lata!

All About Me...

2004-08-08T17:03:00.000-04:00

You know, yesterday was great. Yes, I had to go to work (shhh...I got there late and left early), but it turned out to be a really nice day. Why, do you ask? 'Cause I went SHOPPING! I, being the strong woman that I am, can admit that I have a problem. I know I do. I love to shop. I just can't help it. I mean, I was strolling through the mall yesterday just a smilin'....

It was perfect because I totally devoted yesterday to ME. That may sound crazy, but I just spent the day with myself, nah mean? No celly glued to my ear, no 2way beeping every 4.2 seconds...just me. It was definitely all about me yesterday. A couple of salespeople tried to play me, but it's ok. I guess I wasn't "dressed the part" to strut up in Gucci EVEN THOUGH I had one of their bags on my shoulder. Silly me. How dare I go in there in a skirt and *gasp* flip flops? I noticed the attitude right off, so I swung THEIR bag down off of my right shoulder and onto my left shoulder just to be a b*tch and make a statement. What makes it even worst (or worse...who the hell knows right now *shrug*) was that the two BROTHAS were the ones acting shady. The little white girl was just as nice as pie. That's ok. They work on commission so I f*cked with them. I sat my big beautiful bag on the counter just so they could stare at it while I asked to see a wallet. When one of "them" realized I was serious, he became a little friendly. He also tried to hide his surprise when I NAMED a few of the items on the shelf. Don't play me. Please. I promise you will NOT win. I am a style and accessories WHORE. Handbags are my life. And don't even get me started on shoes....but I digress. Of course, I didn't buy a damn thing. I don't care how fly that little change purse was, they weren't getting my money. Reminds me of the day the German b*tch in Macy's in LI (Long Island, NY for those of you that don't know) tried to play me over a Louis bag. I pointed to it and was about to ask for it by name and she goes, with a smirk on her face, "It's $730.00." I replied, "I don't recall asking you how much it costs, it's the Sonitane, and I would like to see it PLEASE." *evil smile* Well after I told Miss Chicky the name of the damn thing she almost broke her neck to get it for me. Hmph..she didn't even know what she was talking about 'cause that bag is NOT $730.

Anyhoo, back to yesterday. People, when I tell you that I know understand the terminology "shop 'til you drop", I mean I TRULY know what that means. I was SO tired by the time I got home that I slept through like 3 phone calls, on the couch (you know I had to throw that in there...love that thing) with the TV, light...EVERYTHING on all night. I got some good deals though. The sales were everywhere, and they were CRAZY. They were damn near giving merchandise away. Then I tripped and fell into Nine West and was pushed back out the door with a pair of shoes. Woops. I was so soundly sleeping last night that I tried to answer the phone and couldn't even do that right. My friend is on my answering machine screaming "HELLO? DID YOU JUST HANG UP ON ME?" LOL...I'm going to save that for a good laugh on one of my "bad" days. I recommend that everyone do a day "all about them". Eat the food you like, do something that makes you insanely happy...just DO YOU!

Friday Night Special.....

2004-08-06T18:23:00.000-04:00

*Doing cabbage patch* It's Friday, it's Friday!!! *stopping abruptly* Damn...I have to work tomorrow. *sigh* Explain to me again why an accountant needs to work on a Saturday? Right. Uh huh. They just started this crap at my job...because we support locations that are open on Saturday, somebody has to be there from the accounting department "just in case". Umm...can I tell you that we NEVER get calls on Saturday? They don't even know we're there! True, it's only like once every couple of months because we all take turns, and it's only from 9-12, but STILL! It's the principality of the situation! When you work 9 or 10 hours every friggin' day during the week, the weekend is all you have! Damn! Lord & Taylor is having a huge sale and I can't start shopping until AFTER work? Blasphemy! Please believe that I'm going to roll in there with my book and plenty of music. Hmph.

I need a vacation. Can we talk about that? I haven't had one since last August...my first cruise. That was the best week of my life. If you haven't been on one, GO. It's worth every penny. I wanted to go on another one this year, but due to some unforeseen emotional issues (I went with HIM last year) I think it's wise that I wait until next year to do another one. We're thinking about going to Hawaii in a couple of months instead. Wait, wait...before you start calling me names, lemme explain. Travelzoo has weekly specials, right? Well, this week they have a Hawaii flight and hotel special from Newark for 5 nights for $499. Come on now! How can we pass that up? A flight alone to Hawaii costs more than that! And I checked it out...it's not some crappy hotel...okay, the $499 package includes some hotel that only has 1.5 stars. ANNNNK. Did I mention that my nickname is "Princess"?? Well, Princess found out that for another $100, we can stay at a 4 star. Right. That's a little better. We have until the 18th to book it, so I think we're going to do it! I have to do something...between my job, personal, and "relationship" drama...if I don't get a break away from HERE I'm going to hurt someone. Yes, I go on my weekend jaunts...New York, Boston in a few weeks, home to see the folks in VA. But those don't count as true "vacations". I'm talking get my hair braided, go lay my ass on somebody's beach with somebody's book and get pissy drunk during the day. THAT is a vacation.

So I told you I got a new cell phone right? I am SO geeked right now. Why did I just find out yesterday that I can talk to the damn thing and it will do stuff? You know how the old phones had voice dial, but you had to speak the name in the phone, and then punch in the number? Well, Samsung has stepped their game up. Now you don't have to pre-record anything. You can either say "name dial" and it will find the name from your address book, or "digit dial" and speak the digits and it will connect. Oh, and if the name in your address book has more than one entry, it will ask "which number"? And if it can't understand the name you say, it'll ask you all o the names that rhyme with it. Isn't that the GREATEST? I'm not even going to tell you how many times I've almost slammed into the back of somebody on the road trying to look up a number. You can also say "status" to find out your signal and battery strength. I LOVE electronics!

I just heard that Rick James passed...that is SO crazy to me. Of course, I didn't know the man personally...but I still said "WOW". He was just on TV...singin' with Teena at the BET Awards. That's really sad...the man was only 56. I wonder if Dave Chappelle feels bad now for the skits? Before I get hate mail.....I LOVE Dave Chappelle. I can probably quote every episode from the 2nd season. I'm just sayin'....that skit is what made him a household name (in some people's opinion), and it was poking fun at Mr. James. I'm glad Dave got his $50 mil. He's a funny dude. The Wayne Brady episode....*shaking head*...just ridiculous.

Well, it's Friday night, and you know my routine. The couch, the TV, the book. Especially since I have to work tomorrow. I've grown rather tired of the "club" scene anyhow. I still like to go every now and then to shake "it", but not tonight. Just picked up three books from the library so I'm good. The new Eric Jerome Dickey is one of them...hopefully it's as good as his last one, "The Other Woman". That joint had me GOIN'! *craning neck* Huh? Oh, here I come! Ok...the couch is callin'.....lata.....

Random Rambling....

2004-08-04T10:46:00.000-04:00

You like me! You really like me! *sniff* I'm so excited because I got comments from people on my posts. Yay! That'll motivate my lazy *ss to write more often!

I'm going to apologize ahead of time for the next few weeks...it's fiscal year end at my job, and I'm in accounting, so it's about to get ugly! I'm going to do my best to keep up with my blogs...hell, I'll probably need this as an outlet because I'm sure I'll be pissed off at LEAST once a day.

*sigh* So, I have a quasi-dilemma. Well, not really, because it's not really MY problem, but I still feel involved. Without going into the grimy details, I'll just say this: I have a friend that is in a "situation" that she doesn't need to be in. No physical abuse, cheating, or anything like that....they just have ISSUES. Neither one of them see it because they're IN it...you know what I mean? You know how a lot of times when you have relationship drama you can't see it, but all of your friends call you every kind of idiot because it's so crystal clear to them? That's the deal with them. I'm close to both of them, and I want them both to be happy...whether it is with each other or with other people. I'm just trying to not be nosy and overbearing with my opinions. When solicited, I give advice, but I try to stay out of it for the most part. I don't know...I guess I just needed to get that little bit off of my chest. I feel better now.

So what else is going on? *shrug* Nothing much...the rest of my weekend was cool....I ended up talking to HIM..we're supposed to be having dinner soon. That ought to be interesting. I'm bitter. I can admit it. I even told him that....I sometimes think that my next tattoo (yes, I have ink) is going to be "F*CK LOVE". Hmph. Stop laughing...I ain't playin! Don't EVEN get me started on that subject...I could fill up the whole dayum INTERNET. I'll just say this for the curious....he and I are perfect together, but he has some issues that need to be worked out before we can progress. So, we're "friends" right now. That's the long and short. Of course there are a TON more details, but that's the gist. When I say I'm bitter, I don't mean over him specifically, I mean in general. But, it's all talk, I know that as soon as a tall, thick, chocolate brotha walks by me I'll be whipping my head around like I've been slapped and adjusting the cleavage. It's all good.

I got a new cell phone over the weekend....I have Sprint, so no further explanation needed. I hate them....there service is decent, and my plan is excellent, but their phones! Good grief! Why the f*ck do I need a phone with a camera, a camcorder, and a walkie talkie? It's a PHONE for Pete's sake! I just want to TALK on it! Anyhoo, I had to act out a little in Best Buy...I have a warranty and they tried to play me. They OBVIOUSLY didn't know who they were dealing with. Talkin' about I have to pay the difference on a new phone when my old one fell apart and I bought their 2 year warranty? WTF? I have one foot in law school...don't play me. I strutted over to the customer service desk and had a lil' "talk" with the manager...needless to say I got my sh*t without coming out of my pocket. Hmph.

Oh, today is X's birthday....I don't know if she's going to do a birthday post, but drop her shoutty on her site....

That's it for now. Massa is callin'. *sigh* Will somebody PLEASE help me hit the lottery???

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

2004-07-31T22:53:00.000-04:00

It's a Saturday night and I'm at home. Big surprise. I could have gone out, but I just didn't' feel like being bothered, you know? Some days I'd rather sit in my place on my couch with my TV and my books and just veg. So my place is a mess, and I could be cleaning. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need to hit the lottery. Then I could hire somebody to come in and do all of this sh*t for me. I'm not lazy...just TIRED!

Actually one of my girls just left....she was "talking" to me about my current situation with an ex-flame. Why does it seem like that is all people talk to me about these days? Am I that desolate and destined for sadness? You know...you know how everything is SO hard when you're trying to get over someone? And people feel sorry for you because you're not your "normal" self? Yup...that's me. I have my good days and my bad days. Today was in the middle. I know...stop thinking about it, everything happens for a reason....yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll keep it short tonight...my TV and book are calling. I'll close my eyes to go to sleep and hopefully I won't think about "him". Yeah right.

Poppin' My Cherry

2004-07-30T16:31:00.000-04:00

So this is a blog? *looking around* Nice, nice. Who, knew? My girl and I have been doing this for YEARS. Literally. We email back and forth all day..write scripts, talk about men, work, drama...and never knew we could put it "out there" for people to see. We decided to do this because our friends are always telling us that our writing style is great, and that we're hilarious. Personally, I think we should get paid for our talent, but until that happens, we'll just try to entertain the masses. Big ups to I_Boogie. If I knew how to do that link thingie, I would put it in...she's under Sublime October. She's the one that actually got us intereted in blogging. My girl (let's call her X, because I'm tired of referring to her as "my girl"...somebody might start to get the wrong idea)...anyhoo, X stumbled upon her site, and we read EVERY post on there. They were wonderful, and she sounds so much like us on an average day that it was downright eerie.

Anyhoo enough of the background stuff...I'm at work, and I'm ret' to go. I have a little too much energy right now because I'm sipping a Mocha from da 'bucks. Oh, I'm sorry...Starbucks. I love that place. I know I could go to 7-11 and get a coffee or "fake-*ss french vanilla" for like .90 cents, but it's just not the same. Call me bougie. *shrug* Everyone else does. We went to Starbucks after lunch, then we tripped and fell into DSW (for the uninformed, that is a shoe warehouse). I know, I know...how long was my lunch break? Don't even ask. I tried on some SICK shoes, but I didn't buy any. Today was payday, but I paid the mortgage, so I acted like I had some sense. Yeah, I said mortgage. "If you feelin' like a pimp n*gga gon' brush yo' shoulder's off". Yeah..baby girl is doing her thang. I had to man...rent is a JOKE. I can't do that anymore...I was tired of Uncle Sam bending me over every year. Woops....did I say that out loud? Sorry.

Hey! I just figured out how to do links! Here is the site to the "Holy Land", a.k.a. I_boogie's site...she's great...read her if you have a chance. Hmm...I hope she doesn't get mad....perhaps I should have asked her for permission first? I guess that's it for now. Thanks for checking me out...leave some comments man. I know it's not a lot to comment on, but now that I've gotten started, watch out world!

Lata

Does it really need a name?

Almost There....

I'm OOOOUUUUTTT!

When Opportunity Knocks....

Finally.....

Just A Tease....

Catch-Up Time!

Durty Durty

The Time Has Come

Sweat, Travel, Memories and FREE ADVICE!

A Little of This, A Little of That

Oops, I Did It Again

Relax, Relate, Release!

Blah Boring Blah

Bitch on Wheels!!

Kicking ASS and Taking Names!

Another Snowy Weekend....

Chocolate BADNESS

Inexcusable Ignorance

Chocolate Goodies....

I know, I know....HUSH!

In Conclusion...

When Will People LEARN?

Hello 2005!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

STILL TRYING to Stay Positive!!

Happy ChrismaHannuhKwanzaakuh To You!!

Home Sweet Home

Yeah, I'm Talking To YOU

Following The Crowd....AGAIN

Monday Morning Blues....

TRYING To Stay Positive!

Stay Positive

Holiday Cheer

A New Day...

Why Can't We All Just Get Along?

The Answers....

Following The Crowd....

Politics, Appreciation, And Other Shit....

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

I NEED AN ASSISTANT!

Ice Grillin' In A Wedding Dress

*SIGH*

Weekend Jollies

You know what?

I'm baaaaaaaaaaack

I'm Off!!!

Allow Me To Reintroduce Myself

Real Quick...

CRAZY STUPID ASS WOMEN!!

NOT HAPPY!

Don't Go There!!

GRRRRR!!!

N*GGA PLEEZ

Luv don't live here....well, except for one...or two...

Baahstaan, Bruisin, and Damn Computers!

Our New Venture at Writing....

I'm not worthy!!!

Bullet Points....

All About Me...

Friday Night Special.....

Random Rambling....

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

Poppin' My Cherry

SIGH